haha omg you stole $185 from a passed out drunk indian on your porch and called the ambulance??
savin' lives aint cheap
You and i never got to the, we dont care what we look like friend-stage. you know? like not brushing your teeth stage.
sorry im really high
the drag queen on stage looks like shes wearing the EXACT same dress i wore 2 senior prom.
Pretending to care to care about playoffs in exchange for free shots. I'm sorry in advance.
all i remember is that her bootyshorts said 'shameless' and that there was no turning back.
That is correct. I did in fact somehow pass out in the tanning booth for over an hour. And yes the attendant did have to open it up and shake me awake.
I know you hold the fastest time for "zoo downhill wheelchair racing" but I don't see what that has to do with this.
sick fucks of a feather flock together
You know you're an adult when you break 100 to get 75 cents, to buy a condom from a bar vending machine in South Boston.
We can Fuck in the shower to save time
And this is why I like you. You're so damn innovative.
It's not an office Christmas party until your boss confesses his undying love for your boyfriend...
Besides, I don't need any more men there who have seen my tits. #bearwatch2014
Is it bad that I have more guilt over drunk eating Doritos than hooking up with my ex's best friend last night?
She came 4 times, called me a god, then made me breakfast. I don't think she is ever going to leave
I’m pregaming Christmas shopping with grandma. What’s up?
Randomize
