2am update: i think I'm in Mexico but I found a dennys. Everyone but this cute family of 4 is speaking Spanish. Cute family of 4 is helping me out.
You picked me up and threw me on a barstool and shoved shots in front of me.
Thats like the definition of a good friend
how you manage to cockblock me from 500 miles away still baffles me.
My near death experience also doubled as my coming out story
they all just nodded
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just saw my bank statement. It literally goes liquor store pizza place liquor store pizza place bar bar bar liquor store pizza place 711 for snacks withdrawl for drugs rinse and repeat
drunk guy next to me on the train just tried to share his pizza with me
he just tried to feed it to me...i love new york
No, listening to the fray and drinking a bottle of jack daniels does not count as counseling
Did you hear me? I HAVE THE CONTENTS OF AN NBA PLAYER'S CONDOM IN MY BEDROOM TRASHCAN!! This shit is potentially worth millions of dollars to a fertile young female who is ovulating. How do I sell it fast??
Omg, looked at my call history, and judging by the times of calls it took me like half hour to walk home frommcds
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My mom just gave me my fake back to buy her more wine.
YOU WORK IN THE US CAPITOL! YOU CANNOT HAVE SEX IN THE BATHROOM!!
Dude, you are totally ruining intern season for me...
Although I'm glad you didn't let my climb in the sink, I really wish you would have let me pretend to be a duck in the shower for a little longer
You're the only person I know who can be puking into a trash can at 8 in the morning in Manhattan and get a date out of it....
Why did you not tell me that video snapchats are a thing? This is a fucking game changer for my mobile sex life.
I can't come. It's so cold my uterine walls have frozen together like a cherry popsicle.
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