Michael Jackson had a heart attack when he found out boyz to men was a music group not a delivery service.
overheard a conversation between 2 lesbians: 'back when I used to have dick sex...' oh, vegas, I so heart you
i can't, i'm blowing bubbles in class and getting credit for it
when i asked what day 420 fell on this year, she answered so quickly i knew i found my soulmate.
So i closed my laptop as i started to fall off my bed and then i caught myself and realized that moment of catching myself is the difference between tuesday and friday.
It's amazing the difference a day and 2000 mg of antibiotic make. Nine days to go.
Can you send me the video of that girl that got arrested last night? I'm gonna try and hit that and I need something to break the ice with.
Its really bad when you fall asleep at a stop light outside the hotel and you wake up to a small spanish limo driver knocking on your window to tell you it's a green light
Im otw to class. I was at the Library. Just past three girls with a bottle of tequila playing dizzy bat.
It was almost as bad as the time I peed on the floor of the Pentagon's subway station.
After the Jell-o shots and about 6 shots of lighter fluid brand tequila, it got to the point where breathing was painful. All I could do was pray I didn't fall asleep in the front yard.
I WAS CONCIEVED IN THE BACK OF MY CAR. THATS HOW OLD THIS CAR IS.
...how and why.
PARENTS ARE MAGIC.
Drinking from the bottle. In bed. Making dinosaur noises. Oh man.
Do you remember me asking for jerk off videos from Tinder guy?
Nah I don't remember that being part of the criteria
OMG OMG OMG!!!! I made his penis bleed!! I repeat I MADE HIS PENIS BLEED!!!!
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