I dont like him- his parents were home and he hid me in his closet like anne frank
He looked like the mexican version of Steve Carrell with a unibrow.
I just remembered I gave a homeless man a ride to his bridge last night.
is this the sara with the beer cane?
Were making a bet for which twin will relapse while in rehab. I'm going for the chubbier one
We had sex after spending two hours in the drunk tank. It was really deep and meaningful
Home, forcing the cats to make out. Someone should get some.
Just so you know swallowing does not help chest colds. Your Phd can suck my dick
The chick who threw the party was all pissed cause she thought I made out with her boyfriend. Admittedly, I did, but she was throwing up and crying at the time so she really can't be that mad.
Why we can't turn this into a healthy friendship where I cheat on my boyfriend with you and you feel better knowing everything wrong with my life is beyond me.
having flashbacks of licking salt of your dick for my shot of tequila
I walked out in my coconut bra, and that's when it all went downhill.
I thought my sex drive was gone but let me tell you it is back with a vengeance
I traded some nice guy at the bar ten bucks and a pack of cigarettes for his leather jacket. I'm pretty sure I win at life. Whoever is in my phone as Tyler Durden, I thank you.
I just found an old slice of LIME in my wallet?????????
Randomize
