Apparently i was the first person to introduce her to her clitoris. Needless to say...they hit it off great
all we need is a shotglass and a helicopter.
i love how i spend my mornings exploring my phone to see what i did last night.
They peed on our pledges last night... i dont know if i should put an lol at the end of that or not
Ohmy god im about to fuxk my TA. i thyought this was a dream but i love you. <3
We told you to stay put for 2 minutes. We come back out and your being handcuffed yelling "DO YOU FEEL LIKE A GOOD FUCKING PERSON ARRESTING ME ON MY BIRTHDAY?!"
You know what's soul crushing? Walking to subway and find out you were too drunk to put on shoes and being denied service.
Um. I literally have no words.
Beer coozy in the gym. Don't judge me.
I can't even remember the last time I took my own pants off
He said I gave him the best head he's ever had and I bowed. I BOWED.
And he's back on taking these stupid testosterone supplements to kickstart him back into working out. And they just make him angry and horny all the time. I'm like great, just in time to meet my whole family for Christmas.
Riddle me this: I can stream porn just fine but try and watch my college class and nooo it won't work
Be there in 4 minutes
Me: I shouldn't go to the airport bar it's too expensive and I don't need it. Dark me: SHOTS AT 7 AM
Just as an add on, don't expect me to wear matching bra and underwear. If I do, I'm probably drunk and it's your fucking birthday. Have a great night.
If it's any consolation she turned out to be has a collection of clown dolls she talks to crazy. And the cops knew why I was calling when she key locked the door from inside.
Randomize
