Listen the way I know if I'm drunk is if I have stage fright in the pisser if I do then I'm not drunk! And I definitely still do right now!
Can i not drive my cunt home
So the D.A.R.E. essay I helped my tutor kid write won an award. Oh the irony.
Her tits were the only thing that upgraded her from "no way in fuck" to "drunken mistake"
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I'm drinking vodka out of a coffee pot. and i'm not even mad about it
Pissing in la rieve gfox. Jer zsyuis diu drunk but it felt amazunbg
Dans le librearie ivetre. Hjhaha
Just had to throw up on the floor of my car during traffic on the way to work. Car next to me saw both times. Found the downside to having a job right after graduation.
I just had a brazillian performed by a hungarian named olga. Im pretty sure she was trying to rip out my soul. You owe me a million orgasms
putting weed in the twinkies box was possibly the best idea you've ever had
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Sorry I missed your call. Have a great morning.
That is a horrible way of saying good morning to someone. You basically reminded me that we did not hook up yesterday. It's bad enough I got to go to work all day with blue balls.
You come home the day the world is supposed to end. Well played Mayans.
I mean I'm not gay but a hundred bucks is a hundred bucks
Just tried to do a line with a snorkel I cut off... that is how my Aruba trip is going!
Can we climb Your roof?
No bitch its 2am go home.
are you inviting me to ice cream?
the subtext of everything i say to you is inviting you to ice cream
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