On my way home i need to take a massive dump and couldn't wait.
drinking colt 45 because lando calrissian told me to
just printed 333 ways to get kicked out of wal-mart. hello thursday night.
Awkward moment #23: reasuring mom that the bf and I aren't having sex as seamen is running down my leg...
I was preparing to do my walk of shame shirtless, but then I found my sweater, wallet and keys neatly piled under a tree in the park.
Step one go to argentina step two fuck bitches it's a simple plan really
Instead of getting a taxi some gay black guy drove us home. He is trying to break into the taxi business
Way to promote small business.
We are both federal employees and Obama gave us a four-day weekend to lie in bed. Do you know how many orgasms that will be? I knew there was a reason I voted for this guy.
I built a fence. For the bunnies we're going to adopt. I'll fill you in when you get home.
My vagina feels like it's been kissed by angels.
ARTHUR IS ON FUCKING NETFLIX THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I was in the rappers prayer circle. Then they're blunt circle
I just ordered a five person drink for myself.... Right about now you should start saving me from myself....
thanks for passing me through your vagina 20 years ago today. your the best
By the way, you're like fucking spiderman. I've never seen someone climb out of a car window that fast and eloquently.
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