I mean I'm basically single. Or maybe just an asshole. Either way.
You're such a slut.
I prefer opportunist.
I really need to find better places to throw up. I would like to be able to use the bathroom sink the next morning for brushing my teeth
What do you want me to say to her? "Oh hey, I need to borrow your soon to be husband to make a porn, cool?"
You tried to poop in the sink last night.
You coming bye my yot got egg sweet carilne vodklaa
Why is the word 'best' written on my chest?!!
Sleeping with two different guys who share a driveway is getting increasingly challenging to keep secret
Seriously, it sounds like someone is torturing a dozen cats inside a Japanese techno club while a jamaican yells random hipster words through a megaphone.
I always hoped that one day I'd have a sex position named in my honor.
Siri just called me GayBoy in front of my family. I will destroy you.
My New Years Resolution is to get everyone to start talking like a 40 year old douchebag. From now on, you will only refer to me as Chief.
The night they met I slept with both of them. Of course I'm best man.
in fetal position in his closet not sure if he knows im here... hugging his spongebob cake pan i stole.... now please come find me..
He had a temporary tattoo of Justin Bieber on his dick and I still had sex with him
Randomize
