Random question, how's your gag reflex these days
I just saw a Puerto Rican child between the ages of 8 and 11 with a faint mustache talking very loudly on the bluetooth in his ear about how "Skittles are played the fuck out"
I was trying to be really smart and save 10 dollars for each cab there and back. ...so I ripped a $20 dollar bill in half.
I standby a snuggie being perfectly acceptable attire for drunkenly walking your dog at 5am. Our new neighbors did not seem to agree.
So the old dude that tried to fight me is definitely Katie's dad. And the pot cookie's kicking in. Shit is getting weird.
All three of them were helicoptering their dicks to persuade me to take my thong off
Im playing lifeguard in my own bathroom. How's ur night?
she was literally 3 feet away from the garbage can, said she couldn't make it, and then proceeded to vomit on the floor in front of everyone in the restaurant
Every time I there's a break up, I'm left with an animal. That's it. No more mutual pets.
Keep it up. It gets easier when you turn 21. Something happens in people's brains when they turn 21 and all of a sudden you have the power to drink constantly and abuse drugs and still graduate with good grades and your shit together. Im almost positive I read it in my freshman year bio textbook
It's probably not healthy how legit bummed I am that my bottled of wine is gone.
Last night's dream consisted of you, me, a sauce pan full of cocaine and light sabers. I almost cried when I woke up.
I'm now consulting a magic eight ball on all major life decisions. On another note I think I have chlamydia.
Only true party girls take their birth control with Smirnoff.
I’d say they were worth it. He screamed “your tits are fanfuckingtastic!”while he was cumming
Randomize
