apparently you CAN get banned from Nascar.
worst hand job ever. my dick is about as raw as that sushi your mom wanted me to try.
Did we have sex last night?
I think that was the general idea until I got you undressed and you puked on me.
We just took shots out of seashells. Welcome spring break 10.
Congrats to the girl that left her positive preggo test in the bathroom...
naw. unless you want me to sit in a corner, not understand english and eat all of your cheese then i don't think it's a good idea.
i'm behind the bar giving him a hand job. i need stuff to make my foot stop itching.
okay, this is where i needed to clarify that i was kidding before when i said that jizz helps mosquito bites. but let me know how that goes. for future reference.
So the old dude that tried to fight me is definitely Katie's dad. And the pot cookie's kicking in. Shit is getting weird.
I tried to interpretive dance to Candy Shop to stop the awkwardness.
What is the current exchange rate for ramen to jello shots?
I'm not wearing a bra, watching Netflix and eating gushers. I don't know a better way to spend a hangover.
I'm gonna let my dick speak for itself from now on. Seriously, it's always recruiting for me even after 6 hours of drinking.
Remember how he wouldn't sleep with me "out of respect"? Well, Mr. Respect just fingered me in a parking garage.
I had a flashback of using my sock as a napkin after we got taco bell
I can't decide if I'm depressed or if this is just what life without a bidet feels like.
Randomize
