awoke with 47 plastic lawn flamingos in my bed and on surrounding floor. explanation?
you said they were your minions of evil that protected you from ferrets.
you were so drunk you slurred your pauses
I got into my dads silver toyota in the back seat to get picked up and 2 mins later I asked my dad when are we leaving, then an old mexican woman turned around. wrong toyota I'm guessing.
I think we need to find a happy medium between fried food and dicks. This could end badly.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the realtor just took us to a house I had a one night stand in. I feel like it's a sign.
Thanksgiving. This year's theme: I am thankful that I still have a liver.
We're bowling witha frozen turkey in the hallway...ur missing out
Just to prove a point, she called and ordered a pizza 10 min before she ordered the blow and it still got here first. I may never leave LA.
I told you!!! And that is why he's the drug dealer to the stars.
Beautiful wedding. Beautiful bride. I got shitfaced. Came home and ate two corndogs. I'm still single.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The rest of the concert I just stared at the lights and didn't really listen to the music cuz I was trying to make sure my brain still worked cuz my face was numb and I couldn't move... Yeah I'm not a weed brownie person
This is my gift to your gina
Hey, so I'm not coming into work til Friday. Some guy I've known for about 8 hours just offered me a free vacation to Maui and bought my plane ticket. He's Aussie so I'm 75% sure he won't murder me
As he was going down on me, I looked over his shoulder and said "ohh a Christian mingle commercial is on"
I've never had sex with me but I assume there are worse ways to be woken up.
He said he was Greek American and that is why my legs slammed shut. During the World Cup there are only Americans.
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