I only have two rules. But i've fotgotten those rules and replaced them w 2 other rules
I walked in on my roommate finishing watching something on his computer. There was cum all over his screen. He awkwardly said hi and pulled up his pants.
I'm trying real hard to keep it on the DL how drunk I am at lunch with my grandma.
I can't wait until next week, when I find out what drunk me added to the Netflix queue.
proof that my night is going well: I can still open doors
I'll even be awesome and bring pizza for your family, just as a "hey thanks for letting a stranger get trashed at your house" gesture.
She just causally held my limp dick in her hand the entire movie. Her parents were cuddling on the couch too..that brave!
I have the starring role in a literal shit show.
Sometimes i think i need to stop drinking because i can't afford losing so many panties anymore
Would you still love me if my nipple fell off?
I'm going to a one year olds birthday party to smoke weed. What has my life become.
I'm not sure why he thinks weird that I masturbate AND look at pinterest at the same time.
I feel like your boyfriend deserves to know that you're a lesbian.
He can be a kind, caring soul but also give in to the temptation of eating unicorn ass.
I dont think you understand. A NOODLE FELL OUT OF MY VAGINA! I DEMAND TO KNOW WHAT YOU DID TO ME LAST NIGHT!
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