Dude someone changed all the contacts in my phone to I Like Eggs
Halfway through banging her I realized that she was playing a sex playlist on her iPod...first time actually having sex to R.Kelly's "bump and grind"
I just found blacked-out interviews on my voice recorder. Go journalism.
please dont make me drink to the titanic soundtrack
Just to save you guys the surprise, somebody shit outside of our door.
Our cab driver looks like Kim Jong il, and you're missing a fascinating conversation about Katie wanting to be carbon dated.
Someone else needs to become the bad example in our group
But you wear shame so well
Things I learned last night: 1. Bacardi 151 is a one-way ticket to the toilet, 2. It is possible for a human being to turn into Mount Vesuvius
Piecing together the sordid story from witness accounts and photographic evidence, courtesy of Fcebook. My night included Mojitos, lighting the bar on fire and declaring myself the Queen of Nerds when I stole someone's flashing tiara. Woke up this morning with a velvet cape and plastic scepter to match. Mojitos are awesome!
He was so good, that I'm pretty sure he fucked his religion into me. P.S. I'm Jewish now.
ALWAYS CAPS LOCK. IS THERE EVER A SITUATION THAT DOES NOT CALL FOR CAPS LOCK? NO.
Sexting? Sexting in caps lock seems rather unnerving.
I WANT YOUR BODY AND I WANT IT NOW.
I rest my case.
Walking around as slutty Ron Swanson is amazing
i mostly like you because you have a nice nose and that's an important trait to pass on to my future children
Unfortunately i'm awake, hungover, and covered in something I'm pretty sure is Easy Cheese. Send help.
you are the only girl i know that would bring a plate of cookies to a hook up. but they were awesome. thanks. next time cupcakes?
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