I can no longer count the number of girls I've banged on my fingers and toes. It's like being born again.
My professor is talking about sperm and all I can think about is my mouth
Just saw someone buying TWO six packs of O'Doul's. WHY ??
She had the hiccups when she was giving me head. It was actually pretty awesome
He said it. He actually said "yes it's in".
It's not even 6 am and I've already told my mom to fuck herself in the face
Well I'm missing half a toenail if that's any indication of my night
I totally just pulled my thong out of my purse at the grocery store. Oops.
Just witnessed some guy throw his fake eye at his dad's face. Actually, he whipped it at him.
See, remember when you wanted to get an Ashley Madison account and I told you not to and you hated me? You. Are. Welcome.
My girlfriend is so strong now. Like on the one hand its kind of hot because she can pin me down during sex, but on the other hand she picked me up and carried me bridal style at the company bbq.
Although the guy I'm messing around with just offered to let me be his rich brother's sugar baby
You got into an extremely loud argument with a juggalo and slapped him, he started crying and everyone cheered.
I remember that, it happened before I started drinking. I thought you said I did something shameful?
We need a kiddie pool and lots of cornstarch
What does "mood AF" mean?
Mood as fuck.
Why did you comment that on a video of a gorilla throwing its own shit?
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