FOR A FUCKING 40?! A FUCKING 40?! YOU GAVE THE CAT AWAY FOR BEER?!
he asked me out through an event invitation on facebook, the title read Romantic Dinner For 2
it's to the point where working 2 jobs this summer will absolutely not cover how much i will spend on alcohol next semester.
i feel like god sat there all night pointing and laughing at me
In Berlin they just cured HIV with stem cells. I am hereby fucking anything that moves.
omg dinner turned into a foam party this is weiriiid
Drunk me wrote a bucket list last night. #4 is "hate fuck a childhood enemy". Can we make this happen?
Just got your message from Saturday. Shove all the kittens down your pants? Really?
I was emotionally compromised.
Two run-ins with cops/park rangers tonight and now I'm just wandering around high and shirtless
Sacramento doesn't deserve you
Usually I just ask myself "have I been naked here?" If the answer is no I correct the situation.
My new hobby is moving his stuff to random places in the house. Good luck making a smoothing at 6:30 in the morning, the blender top's in the dog food container
I've started brushing my teeth at 6pm, because honestly alcohol is the only thing I consume after that
Did you leave it the depths of Magic Mike's favorite banana hammock?
we didn't have sex though. because i have the will power of an ox.
This girls ass literally just fell out of her jeans in front on me on the escalator. Going commando on a Monday morning is a bold move.
Randomize
