Upon hearing of his newfound access to every orifice... even ones he just made up... the Grinch's penis grew three sizes that day.
you threw up in someones recycling bin and left a note apologizing. how drunk do you think you were?!
Dude we need to petition the city about running buses later, none of my booty calls own cars
how do I tell the students with a crush on me, that yes, I am open to receiving blowjobs in exchange for grades?
how was ur day?
this is strictly sexting don't make small talk.
So roofie roulette was a success but I'm a little worried that the 2 who got the tainted beer still haven't contacted anyone...
Ok, Jen and I are going out tonight and getting rowdy. I think you and Steph need to come. I understand if you can't, but not going out means you're automatically obligated to post bail. If necessary.
Well, it was good.. One step forward for my vaj.. One giant leap backwards for my integrity.
he was extremely fucked up- he thought my sports bra was his boxers. even when his leg wouldnt fit. at least whiskey dick wasnt a problem
i introduced myself to everyone by my new name, thundergooch. i threatened the neighbors with a hammer when they used my real name. needless to say, sailor jerry was not kind to me.
My mute roommate is using sign language to ask a guy to fuck her.
you don't understand it took me an hour and a half to escape that bed, I had to memorize his sleeping patterns.
Damn it. If you ever throw me again, take video.
would it be awkward if i bring my husband?
only if i fuck you in the bathroom while he's paying the check
Just a heads up that Dad just brought home a new Porsche and the sales girl he bought it from.
Umm okay. What are they doing?
They’re in the hot tub
Can I get divorced when I grow up?
Randomize
