Pappa wants mamma naked
I just had sex in the back of an ambulance. Call me.
she just put all the cheese in the refrig to sleep.. and yes we did finish you bottle.
he said i was chugging vodka in the parking lot, gave my # to a married man, started a food fight, and passed out at the bar. how could he NOT consider that a good first date???
last night was fun... but i spent all morning tring to get the candle wax out of my chest hair. We did use candles last night?
the cops didnt even say happy birthday to me :(
My parents showed me my IQ test from fourth grade, I'm shitting on my potential.
You told me you loved me after I brushed your teeth with my index finger.
why is my new profile picture on Facebook one of me with a bunch of strangers on an elevator?
Hindsight is 20/20. Or a bladder infection.
I feel like someone kicked me repeatedly in the ribs. I don't think sex is supposed to do that.
Just so you know.. If you ever cheat on me, i will cut your dick and fingers off and post them as my cover photo on Facebook. Love you.
I have the WORST hangover. Pretty sure my liver fell out while taking a dump. THAT bad.
Remember when I made out with that stranger at the bar on my 21 in chicago? I wonder how he's doing
Despite evidence suggesting otherwise, it turns out max is 100%straight.
Randomize
