I would have at least made out with you if you were showered.
One of her kids, Dakota I think, got stuck in a ceiling fan and she had a fit, thats when she found the penis hat.
hes like the used car salesman of hook ups and closed the deal w my taking him home with me,as is,today
Alosmot hir two of of mt mailanoxwa
Oh Jesus.
seriously considering responding to a craigslist ad for a lesbian cunninlingus instructor...at this point i'm so desperate for a job that i'm willing to switch teams.
He ate me out. IN THE MORNING. I love less attractive men.
Well after last night I am convinced he is real life Tyler Durden. He only exists to me and somehow keeps me out of jail this entire time
I know how I'm going to make my fortune.. designing an icepack made specifically for the vagina.
We're gonna have screwdrivers in a cab at 4am?
Is that weird?
Literally just had a girl put her street name into my phone. Yeah.
You could woo kevin with a boquet of breakfast burritos. He loves those burritos. You could use the hot sauce packets like babies breathe
Just let me pee on you and I'll leave you alone.
last time we were there you stole a tap from the toilets. How are you confused that your bag is full of baubles you clearly can't stop collecting their furnishings
I'm too drunk to remember your name. I'm too drunk to recall where i'm currently at. And i'm too drunk to give a shit.
I woke up to the sound of her peeing at the end of the bed at 4am.
Randomize
