Dude, don't freak out but the girl who stuck the hair brush in her ass is here. I can't look her in the eye!!
He told me I remind him of his sister...
Was this before or after you did it?
before... I mean, it's been a long time. I just tried not to think of it during.
Is it weird that I have contacts who i've classified as DO NOT ANSWER?
Lol no its called college
My doc was like ur only supposed to have 6 sexual partners..thats just one semester at college
My drug dealer asked me out. What's the protocal for this?
Scott woke me up by cracking a beer open in my face. Best friends are awesome.
There's gotta be a lawn gnome full ecstasy around here somewhere. And by golly I will find it
Dude, im sorry I had sex with that girl I was trying to hook you up with last night. Good news though she puts out
I draw, I play three woodwind instruments, I press buttons for eight hours at work and Im studying to be a gynecologist... I guarantee I can make you squirt, babe.
You've created a tinder dominating monster.
I've orgasmed so many times tonight I think I've become enlightened
I gave him head during Pitch Perfect 2, I felt like the Bella's were cheering me on with their back up tunes
My day so far: morning after pill and pancakes. Living the dream.
You know it's NBA season when you compare head to 3 pointers.
While I was giving him head he told me he had to go door to door the next day and "spread the word of Jesus Christ" I felt like a Disney villain out to steal his virtue.
Randomize
