HOW IN THE HELL DID YOU BLOW A .24?????
We were watching I'm a celebrity get me out of here and taking shots every time heidi said HALLELUJAH, and started spraying her hair with that stupid dry shampoo shit....and we only watched the last half hour.
you may be an alcoholic when your drug dealer calls to yell at you for drinking too
Last night she showed me how to clean my bowl and now she's drunk making peanut butter filled cookies. Best. Roommate. Ever.
I woke up with like grass burns all over my body, i'm pretty sure i made out with someone under a bus. . . but i'm not sure
You left your underwear on the fireplace
He will not just "come" out of the closet. He will fall out, 69ing me, with two fingers in his starving asshole, wearing cum splattered lady gaga sunglasses, weeping.
That was the greatest thing i have ever read.
no drinking for a week
if by week you mean tonight and by no you means yes
Want to get high and go thrifting? I'm trying to succeed making my dorm look like a deranged Applebees.
Well I don't think you can suck his dick while he's making pizza. I think that goes against some health codes.
When a best friend shows up on a tricycle with a case a beer and goes "get on loser" you get on, because there is a magical adventure afoot
How many fucks given?
0.12846
walked into my room this morning clutching two empty bottles of sminoff to find my roommate's ultra conservative parents staring at my posters of naked men. fuck parents weekend.
Remember I am not doing blow tonight. I REPEATE NO COCAINE unless I do it with your mom
Just saw a girl I banged wearing a pro life shirt downtown. Not sure where to start with that.
Protip if he licks the back of your knee and you reflexively kick him your game of 'lick the lady' is over.
Randomize
