i got lost in a forest last night. this morning I realized the "forest" was just 6 trees on campus.
so im in the parking lot of taco bell eating a taco...and some girl just got out of a car and screamed at the top of her lungs "XANEX FOR SALE!!!!" i fucking love Hamilton.
Should I be offended if he asked if he could use saran wrap to eat me out?
i want to give my vagina back to god and say no thank you
Brutally Honest is my real middle name, Princess just sounds better.
she walked in on me snorting my prozac. there was no way to convince her i was doing a good thing.
He started crying and showing me pictures of his ex. she was really pretty. It's an honor to have shared a penis with her.
I wanted to be mature but the vodka was resilient.
When I told him he could take naked pics of me, did I really need to specify that he could not email them to my brother's friends for bragging rights?
What's the mantra for Sunday?
I will not have sex with him.
Tell her this is the Disneyland of penises.It's a magical place everyone should visit once in their life.
You're right. I woke up today with my ugly sweater still on and no pants. I'd say it was a successful night.
I feel like it's the kind of place that would appriciate my Aladdin vest
Bring vodka when you get back from court.
Your boobs are like a folk legend.
Randomize
