Well yea but it's the principle of the thing.. The fact that he could actually BE your daddy
i'm not accepting baked goods from anyone for awhile. especially after the stalker pie.
You're like my zumba instructor for alcoholism right now
my favorite homeless guy just told me I drive like Batman, achievement unlocked
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i'm exhausted. do you know how hard it is to put together an outfit that is professional enough to secure a babysitting job yet slutty enough to let him know i'm down for sex during naptime?
I folded my dollar bills into mustaches in preparation for our trip to the strip club
The homeless woman that called me a "dirty looking cunt" the other day, was standing outside Starbucks today with a sign that said "Jesus loves you."
Omg my butt feels so much better. Those suppositories are magic. It feels like Jesus fingered me in my sleep.
I wish everyone could suck his dick. It was an honor.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i woke up this morning put my hand under the pillow and there was a banana there
My ex is having a baby and I'm over here planning my dogs birthday celebration...
When is the party?
I woke up on a different floor than I went to sleep on. Can't find my shoes.
Ya can’t just go throwing accusations around about someone pooping their pants without some hard evidence
It's very finicky. Like baking. or BDSM.
Cover for me. Stopped at Chris’ for a quickie. Broke a high heel and there’s jizz all over my black dress. Fuck pornstars for making workday sex look easy
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