People kept wishing me happy birthday last night. apparently i was 21st birthday drunk
seeing an 80 year old woman puke in the bushes changes everything...
that's spring break in florida for ya
he was so drunk I had to hold him up and he started crying when he heard an ambulance siren and said "is that for me?"
You were mumbling a lot and offered me 20 dollars to leave you alone
I want a vodka facial right about now. I'm talking about straight vodka bukkake
There is a mosh pit in our kitchen. You better hurry.
After I gave him a handjob for a half an hour he told me I should be a taxidermist. I'm gonna take it as a compliment.
Broeke and glass. I feel so and. Appilogixe in morbing.
Based on your 5AM twitter activity I gather you found MORE FREE COKE??
I sent her a picture of Richard Nixon and said "these are the only dick pics I send".
Is 28 too old to get fingered in Centennial Park? Asking for a friend.
After we hooked up, his roommate shouted "I LIKE TO HAVE SEX TOO" from across the apartment
I think he bit my vagina. Who does that?
Fine I'll cuddle you but only for the purpose of trying to survive
was that you i just saw walking down the street in only one heel smoking a cig yelling "hello sexuals" to everyone who passed??
HELLLLLO SEXUAL BEING
Randomize
