I've decided through careful research we can out drink any country folk.
I judge my drunkenness on my brickbreaker playing skills. I'm winning. Suck it.
You drinking a lot?
No.
Define a lot
You picked the wrong day to call in sick. She's wearing the librarian glasses today.
Im at the zoo right now high out of my mind and feel as if the animals are watching me and Im the one in a cage.
Dude you made a rodeo shot in beer pong won the game then got in the hot tub poured beer all over the side and screamed "hot tub time machine!"...
This hangover makes more sense now
how many dildos make it a "collection?"
She's just done the monthly not prego dance around our kitchen
TONGUES ARE JUST MEAT TENTACLES IN OUR MOUTHS OMG
HOW ABOUT I DON'T WAKE UP TO THESE TYPES OF TEXTS
how many people can say they bit their tattoo off?
There is not enough soap in the world to make me feel clean after last night. Im gonna need jesus for this one
He called me at 4am to ask me to marry him, then threw up into the phone for 10 minutes.
You lost me at unexpected butt stuff. Everything else I would probably do.
She flashed us last time and pissed all over the floor this time. I'm scared to invite her back.
I got all the way to work before I realized there were Trojans in my bra.
Randomize
