Have you finally orgasmed yet?
okay pat passed out under dana's car
He gave his mom his old phone, and I am SO paranoid
Did you send adult things?
Um. Yes would be the understatement of the year
There are only two things that should be in vaginas... penises and vegetables
his recent searches consisted of "World record for not bathing" and "Miley Cyrus vs Taylor Swift". Not even i am that desperate.
airport. 106 proof japanese liquor. 4 little travel size containers. im proud to be smarter than the average american.
Sarah Palin is going to have a show on the discovery channel...Can I get a moment of silence for knowledge?
I woke up because I was nodding to the dream question of "would you like a sombrero?"
I have the money I owe you for auctioning off your black thongs. Best 30 bucks ever spent
I'm laying in the fetal position on the floor of my kitchen eating potato salad with my fingers. Please come over with some real food and keep me company.
He walked straight into the wall, said "excuse me ma'am" and continued back to his dorm room.
shes wearing an ankle tracker so she should be easy to find
i know. like I have the nerve to talk about poverty. I eat peanut butter out of the jar.
I'm taking ecstasy it's gonna be that kind of Vegas trip
I made a joke about The Hemingway being a really boring sex position where you blandly describe all the action and then kill yourself after you orgasm. He stopped responding. I've GOT to stop talking to everyone like they're you.
Randomize
