I just barfed on his mom.
You told him you were too drunk to meet his parents. Totally his fault.
I think the world might be a better place if everyone was capable of having open relationships.
watching elf naked is so much better than watching it with clothes on .
so my dad walked in on us having sex
lulz really? why?
lets just say he wont be answering to 'daddy' for a loooooong time
you rearended a car with your bike and then puked all over his back windshield. They made BUI's for you.
Don't byou dare ruin egg salad by putting your penis in it that would be so sad.
I wish pancakes were everywhere. Just pancakes. I want lilies at my wedding. No dress. Just priest. Just lilies.
Yup. We're now banned from TWO of our nation's finest zoos.
The less money I spend on drugs, the happier my mom will be.
Also I've decided that I'm buying the next friend of mine who is dumb enough to get married a live porcupine as a wedding present.
Spending Thanksgiving making a swinging profile brings the day to a whole new level...
I mentioned the porn thing he mentioned a brother it all kinda just came together
You ever sit back and realize our friendship is based off us ranting at each other with random animal photos thrown in
Wtf can everyone stop fucking in my grandma's bed? This is like the third time
I woke up and there was a huge blow up palm tree in my bed...
Randomize
