So yesterday I was on craigslist and I saw a listing for a sofa-cum-bed. I knew what they meant...
How young is too young to ask my kid to make me a drink?
we just ha sex. he lasted two minutes. i told him to leave because i had class
isnt today saturday?
I'm buying a pregnancy test with my lunch money. Classy.
he asked me out through an event invitation on facebook, the title read Romantic Dinner For 2
At what point did we agree that playing bocchi ball on the way to the liquor store was a good idea?
My parents just suggested that we tailgate the midnight christmas service. this is my gene pool.
He was eating mac and cheese. Raw. Like as in he was eating the uncooked noodles then pouring the dry cheese in his mouth.
Let me just say....i'm sorry about setting your carpet on fire. I had no idea that the paper towel would burn that quickly.
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
I actually cannot wait for your visit. I miss people who make me look like the virgin mary in comparison.
Were you drinking last night?
Because typically I don't associate the phrase 'Go sleepy time' with sobriety.
He wouldn't stop calling me so I sent him a text saying "I'm dead. Dead. Leave me alone." And he replied with "so can I see you then?"
Both guys that I'm dating were waiting for me in the parking lot after work. Literally the most awkward situation I have ever been in
She started snoring post sex, so I drunkenly walked 8 miles at 4am to go fishing. Please come pick me up
Randomize
