I just watched a guy get turned down by a prostitute
I just threw up on my dentist
I think we should boobie trap our beer this time using duct tape, rubber bands, seran wrap, and urine. Trust me I have a plan and it will work.
my dad just referred to me and my boobs as 'the three of you'
It just hit me that I woke up to you in a bear suit. Explain.
The best thing he's ever done for me was comment on my profile picture saying "hello boner"
You owe me $8 for the carwash I needed after you threw the salmon on my windshield.
I'm really sorry that I blew your friend in your bed, but to be fair he started it.
Today is the day I die from a hangover. I love you, mom. Farewell.
he didn't stitch me up last time. in fact, he yelled at me for bleeding.
Every time I try to do something productive I end up searching ghost porn.
The couple in the apartment next to mine are both opera singers. I’m never sure if I’m hearing them banging or doing vocal warm-ups.
So do I get points for screwing my recently single ex boyfriend and then telling him to go fight for his ex back?
How drunk were you? in an effort to seduce him, you demonstrated your lap dance skillz on his dog.
Please come pick up your twin. She's tap dancing in her underwear and that's not how you want yourself represented.
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