That weatherman I hooked up with is on TV again
The panties match.
I'll be right there.
thanks for paying me in special brownies...but brownies dont pay the rent...anymore.
Thanks again for allowing my sister to lose her virginity on your bed.
We still need to grow old, buy a house, and drink 40's while wearing old people sunglasses, staring at the young studs mowing our lawn.
So I found "Fat chicks in saran wrap" in my search history.
That's all you talk about when you are wasted.
Her voice kills me. Its the perfect pitch to fuck with my hangover.
I literally told her "she's a sandwich I'd like to make" and that's all it took
dude, my hangover is telling me there was tequila involved
I made out with a girl because I wanted to get in the VIP section of the bar because they have these big comfy couches. It worked.
I'll have a whole suitcase of emergency bacon with me obviously
Come on, what straight woman, gay man, or bi person HASN'T scrolled through Justin Trudeau pictures after a bad day?
he told me his feelings for me AFTER sex, so that means he meant it right?
There’s a stripper dressed like a slutty pilgrim. Is that a thing?
You know you started drinking too early in the day when you have a hangover at midnight
thats called having FUN
Randomize
