So it's 11:24am. I've had sex twice and been laid 3 times. I love holidays!
I understand the whole sex thing but did you really get laid or is that synonymous for more alcohol?????
Honestly.
Don't say a word.
My liver just broke up with me...
According to Glamour magazine, experiencing sexual pleasure helps you live longer. I am dying an early death.
i think beer pong is the only time ive ever found a use for geometry
george bush was a better president for first pitches than barack obama. there. i said it.
So if you want this MFM threesome thing to happen the other guy is here and willing
You said you were going to take the sideview mirror to your own car so that nobody would steal it. Thats why you woke up with it.
Close your eyes and stop texting and think about puppies. You'll be fine.
that's probably because you left your arm in the fishtank for 90% of the night
the good news is that i vommed the last of my humanity last night.
welcome to the club.
bah. we'll see. don't give yourself a boner of false hope.
So we get back to the hotel room and Tom strips off his clothes... His first sexual act as my fiance? Helicopter dick. I gave him a high five.
Just got walked in on while fucking in the lounge in the performing arts building. The janitors gave us five minutes to leave and applauded our exit
Trying not to ruin Mother's Day with the enormous hickey on my neck. Nice.
We watched ESPN, hooked up, got waffles. You know, a typical weekend.
Randomize
