belinda wants 2 know wr u got ur butt pads
i dont wear butt pads that thang is au naturel
Yeah...right...LMAO
if you find a joe biden blowup doll in the attic, I call dibs
I'm bringing poparts in case anyone gets hungry. The trek to frat row is strenuous.
she found me naked passed out on the toilet and i just kept repeating "i'm like elvis, but not dead."
on the list of things i learned today that are not stripper poles: ex-boyfriends, table legs, and police officers.
For when you/if you wake up tomorrow.. You broke 4 of the bar's glasses tonight and I am currently watching you as you ride the broom around the bar instead of cleaning up your mess. I am no longer able to come up with excuses for you.
The cops said we could pay $250 or spend the night in jail and get 2 free meals. I might pee in mail-boxes more often
Yeah that doesn't involve enough booze, count me out
He'd rather cuddle with his shitty little miniature dog than the half naked girl in his bed. I've lost all hope for him and my vagina
I had the most traumatic dream I've ever had just now. I ripped my dick off because a girl asked me to and spent the rest of the dream crying about my dick
New rule: if someone asks if you would like to snort a xanax the answer is no.
Taking a shit in a Texas 7/11... not accepting phone calls now lol
My boss and I ended up at the same strip club. We both got lap dances while talking about work.
I've realized that drinking at your apartment alone on a Tuesday probably isn't a good thing.
I swam, I rode a bicycle, I rode a horse, I danced. It was like a real life tampon advert.
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