Trimmed my pubes and broke your paper shredder. Separate events.
My mom asked what the mark on my neck was - I told her I burned it with a straightener.
She believed that the monsterous hickey on your neck was a burn?
well, not really. but then i reminded her that my sister has yet to take that pregnancy test and she conviniently forgot about my hickey
I thought it was kinda weird that her ten yearold sister was playing bartender, but hey, the girl makes a damn good drink
Just woke up to my stoned boyfriend building a shrine around my bare ass. He'll never leave me.
The great thing about skinny blondes is that they're all interchangeable.
I'm at a winery and there's a 50 yr old woman sitting at a table alone with a bottle of wine and the only time I've seen her get up is to harass the hot dog guy
She gives the worst handjobs, it was like raw meat on a cheese grater
How would I get in touch with Carly Rae Jepsen if I wanted to thank her for the loss of my virginity?
Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face.
you guys just sat there and simultaneously smoked bowls staring at each other... it was like a bowl off or something.
Puke, feathers, beads, and solo cups all on my way to class. I'm surprised anyone's alive after this weekend.
Do you remember lying across two tables saying 'go away I'm trying to pull' to me, Sollie and Sean?
I JUST GOT WOKEN UP TO HIM PISSING ON ME SAYING "IT HAS TO HAVE WATER TO GO TO THE BATHROOM" AND AFTER HE FINISHED HE DIDNT REMEMBER DOING IT
For a guy who won't fuck me, your dick is out a lot when we talk.
Woke up in a car, do you own a silver car parked a few miles form the house...hope so
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