I think the world might be a better place if everyone was capable of having open relationships.
Get your damn GED now that you are harvesting a child in her belly
What is a GED?
First date. He's wearing a tuxedo shirt and keeps asking me about our future children. Escape plan #3 is now in action...
he pretended not to hear me say our safety word. how do you think I feel?
I held his ankles while he hung off the top bunk attempting to get my pillow that fell off.
Why is there an appointment in my calandar called "get the fuck to the bus" at 3 am june 19th?
I loved your drunken rendition of "I wanna dance with somebody" that you left on my voicemail last night.
Frozen pudding on a popsicle stick. Bill Cosby would be so proud of drunk me.
Make sure your heart doesn't explode. These are words of wisdom.
I asked her to make me water, which in turn meant get me a glass. She handed me a cup of microwaved ice cubes.
Important update! My next door neighbours have a canoe. Repeat: THEY HAVE A CANOE! We are having sex in it before this summer is over.
That awkward moment when the dude you blew on camera in college friend requests you on Facebook.
Who is this?!????
That awkward moment when you think you're texting a friend the above statement, but instead you text a stranger.
Btw "you gettin a workout in" isn't a great gym pickup line. Like no I'm fucking grabbing lunch on my way to class.
I love that you put so much thought and effort into your nudes
I don't send half assed nudes. Go big or go home.
Fuck the system, do you have any medieval weapons?
Randomize
