he borrowed my computer and saw his name in my recent google searches. Things got awkward real fast.
Would we rather be in rehab with the drug addicts or the girls with low self esteem?
had a convo with my professor before class while peeing... new level of awkward or a breakthrough in our relationship? i feel like there is no longer a professional boundary.
the only sentence i could make out from her was "i will wash these herpes away"
Once he past out I measured his penis with my remote.
We made a trail of cheez balls so we knew how to get back to te apartment.
Just walked in on my older brother getting a bj. He told the girl to "keep going" and then attempted to high five me
I'll be on pinterest all night planning crafty things to do with my cats in 10 years.
My ideal friend would be my dog as a drug dealer
we told the drug dealer that our car was dead and we needed a jump so he would bring the drugs to us...
Her ass is the reason I still believe in a higher power
Only ESPN could find the two ugly girls from a school in Florida
I feel like I might be the only person I know who eats bundles of radishes in-between orgasms from their vibrator.
WE ARE DOOMED.
And not the good kind of doomed. Assuming there is one.
it isn't the robot apocalypse that's for sure
Girl. There is no more toilet paper. You should have seen the twerking I just did to shake the pee off.
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