remember when u banged some random dude twice in the back restaurant room of the bar i work at with customers still there? and woke up with an enormous highschool-sized hickey this morning? no big deal.
Not good, Ive never been this late. We need to talk.
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You can't date a girl from every country.
I'm the captain planet of women
i decided not to call her again when she started singing "goodbye my lover" as i was walking out the door..
Who was that guy you went home with?
Hang on, I'm trying to ask his name right now.
Yes someone did see you carrying a beer bong on the side of coastal highway
I told my dad that bagels were the equilelent of angels kisses and if he bought me one i would do a split
Had mirculous sex while watching miracle. Until she got mad that I kept quoting the movie. Not my fault I'm a good multi-tasker
Do you believe in miracles?
Dude you of all people would miss her giving him a handjob in front of the whole party
I sang "A Whole New World" while I took his virginity
That is awesome that you did that.
brushed my teeth nine times since getting home, still afraid there are pubes hiding in between my molars. fucking gummy bears
That's how all the girlfriends are. Oh he's a boy, no worries, then BAM. I blow their boyfriend.
how do i act around someone who's shoes i puked in while naked and blackout?
But I put cranberries and apples in my wine so it's festive drinking not suicidal drinking
I'm with jana at walgreens picking out penis rings.... Did you know they sell vibrators at walgreens? Wtf?
Randomize
