get your tongue out of his mouth and answer your phone. if your not doing more than making out i'm gonna be so pissed. i'm about to sleep in your car bitch
Michelle Duggar likes to fuuuuck
It's a pity Stephen Hawking can't do sarcasm.
i called her out for picking her nose in public and he still wonders why i don't like her!
I passed out in the VIP room and she charged me for 17 songs until I woke up, theres a bouncer asking me for $700, fuck tequila
We don't have a ruler. Come downstairs and lay in the snow with a boner so we can see how much snow we've gotten. Put your 8 inches to a less shameful use.
Grad practice is like a live scrapbook of my drunken sexual encounters
Totally just met the chick getting nailed in our lobby last night. Should I bring it up?
Swear to god, if I have to wingman for you on my honeymoon I'm gonna be pissed
Now I have to set an alarm for less than 6 hours from now to wake her up, get her showered and get her to her first day of tutoring a kid from her church. WTF is my life?
Can we table this discussion? The roommate is out of town and I have to eat pie on the couch in my underwear.
You added his wife on Facebook?! You're horrible at this mistress thing
I think it might be the guy sitting next to me. I've concluded he HAS to be smuggling insane amounts of onions in his wardrobe to smell like that
beggars cant be choosers....im desperate and he has a dick. he checks all the boxes.
I just want to get high and watch Dr. Pimple Popper.
Randomize
