South Carolina's governor once cited "moral legitimacy" when he was a congressman voting for President Bill Clinton's impeachment. Karma is a bitch.
I love watching the kids I sold drugs to score touchdowns
Ladies, we have an appointment at David's Bridal aurora this coming Sunday at 3pm. And an appointment at where ever tequila is served at noon.
he just asked me for a tag team. like at least let me get changed out of your roommates clothes from last night first...
I'm not sure which is more depressing, the fact that the hospital is making me put together a living will before surgery, or that all i'll be leaving behind is 25k in student loan debt
I never thought that it would get to the point where I would have to specify that by "hang out" I meant "fuck like rabbits." Growing up shouldn't be this way.
tell me there's a reason my bed smells like paint thinner
That was obviously his first time talking dirty. He called my vagina "pretty"
It's been this way for a few days. I had chick fil a on Friday so this could be an attack from the Gay Gods as punishment.
I had an epiphany. If a dude dressed up as Batman to ask me out, I'd prolly marry him.
We got high and watched Winnie the Pooh. Isn't that what every normal person does on their break?
My girlfriend is pregnant with her exs baby. 2014 just became the worst year
I've entered the world of uncircumcised penises. It's disgusting.
Everyone should just give me a copy of their keys. I take your dog out and I bring beer.
Got a blowjob while watching James Bond's "Octopussy." My 13 year old self would be so proud
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