Before we started fucking, he laid me on the bed, and asked my what my sleep number was, so that i would be "comfy"
Next thing I know we're all standing in the kitchen holding hands and thanking God for the beer.
What's the big deal? you guys fuck
3 times is my limit. I don't even want to know you exist after 3 times
I would rather deep fry my own cock while it's still attached to me than have his life.
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I think my new low is running outside in a towel to pet a particularly fluffy looking squirrel and projectile vomiting off the balcony.
I woke up to a shot of jager next to my face. I felt bad for it so i drank it
Well going home with a Ralph Lauren model helped me get over him real fuckin' quick. Would recommend it for all women going through breakups
There just aren't enough words in the English language to convey my deep and abiding love of your cock. So I am beefing up on my Portuguese.
My wife ladies and gentlemen! Love ya babe.
Either I'm too drunk or she gave me a hand job to the rhythm of jingle bells.
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i can't invite random hot hobos into my aunt's house.
who is the naked dude on the coffee table
thats jeff, jeff is nice so don't be rude
Why did I wake up with BYOB sharpied on my stomach
Well, personally I like to keep my blackmail in well organised folders.
Can't talk, ducks in the car
you walked into the party, and all you had on was your left sock... literally.
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