So would u like to explain why you ate all my pickels and took my 1800?
About that, i have your 1800 on my desk with intentions of returning it but theres nothing i can do about the pickels
Ok pretty sure I just saw Mike O'Malley walking through the parking lot. I wanted to see if I followed him, would he lead me to the acro-criag, i've always wanted a crack at that bitch.
She's like a coupon for free blow jobs. No purchase necessary.
How long is the appropriate time period between a pregnancy scare and breaking up with my girlfriend?
when he put a condom on for a handjob cuz he didn't want to "blow his load in the car" i started to question my choice in guys..
She said she'd heard about my nickname in high school. Apparently sledgehammer isn't as popular as you'd believe...
Doing tequila shots with my ex to celebrate that we broke up... not awkward at all.
I don't deserve a penis
I took it upon myself to take one shot of tequila to have an excuse for hitting on my not-single coworker. It worked.
That tingly feeling you're experiencing in your lady parts is my mustache. All the ladies of America are waking up feeling the same thing. You're welcome.
It's the 30 sec rule.... the worst that could happen is I could die
The cops wrote boobs in the police report. ...vandalism is our calling
Are you 5:30 blackout again?
Why did I wake up to a snap chat of myself drinking beer out of a blender?
Just woke up. Will be over soon. DON'T LEAVE THE CHAMPAGNE UNSUPERVISED.
Randomize
