your all-time low pick up line was when you asked a girl "Are you rock-staring at me?"
I accidentally asked my mom for a blowjob because 'mom' and 'molly' are next to each other in my address book.
Planned Parenthood should have gift certificates.
yeah he didnt know till after their one year. You have no idea how bad i wanna say "dude i sucked on those boobs before you"
At least we kept it together. It's people like him who yell at bushes that give acid a bad name
the water pistols in the freezer are full of voddka.
I could've eaten a live cat and wouldn't remember it today. That level of drunk.
So I just told the bartender I would go down on her. You need to get here
A total of 95 cents was stuck to my ass the next morning.
This amicable friendliness is dull. We either need to start fighting or fucking around. I'll even let you pick.
Dude at the bar last night came into the bathroom, drop kicked the stall open and start saying lines from happy Gilmore as he was shitting, "go in your home! Are you too good for your home?!"
He told me he was gonna go wash a trailer and somehow I ended up eating vodka fruit with children in a green bean field.
I just got his Save the Dave and, to answer your next question, NO I AM NOT GOING TO THE WEDDING OF THE GUY WHO GOT DRUNK AND CAME ON MY CHEST.
Dude if I had a dollar for everytime she asked me to do weird shit with her when we were fucking I'd have like 4$
Probably not. Getting pulled over and puking my guts out on the side of the road in front of the cop and him making fun of me, was not my finest moment. Plus I lost my debit card.
Randomize
