Do you have any cake mix? I kind of need to make a "im sorry i drank all your parents tequila, threw up all over your floor and slept with you boyfriend" cake.
Yep Great. Apparently I didn't just say things once that night. Drink. Yell. Repeat.
U also mentioned u werent wearing any underwear hahahaha
One of my students just wrote an essay on how ninjas, like drug addicts, must realize they need help before they can get better...I gave it an A+
We could sell used underwear with pictures of us wearing them.
I think I'm going to inject the gummy vitamins with vodka
I'm glad you're using your medical degree for some good for once
Saved By The Bell: The College Years had it waaaay wrong on that one.
Woke up in my own bed with a "New Years Eve 2011" bar bracelet on. Both of these things confuse me.
I have a feeling she doesn't appreciate me as a person. She only fucks me because I look like Harry Potter.
I knew you would eventually ask my secret. Pedialite mix drinks. Works wonders.
Just had to masturbate in the bathroom because mom changed my room into a "knitting" room. I hate coming home.
When the cop tells you to leave the pool, does that mean you have to put your bathing suit back on too?
No cash. I had to buy four bowls of soup to meet the credit card limit. I'm not even upset. SO MUCH SOUP.
Baruch atah adonai DAT ASS DOE
I can't believe I watched you put a tampon in in the parking garage
I went from swearing off of sex to planning a threesome. It's been a rollercoaster of a day.
Randomize
