"I want to just tie you up so you\'ll still be here like this when I get home." Actual words.
for our anniversary he stepped it up a notch and bought cool whip rather than the store brand. i was impressed.
You burnt your salmon and tried to mail it. Post marked to: Starving Kid in Africa
I got my parents high. They've been watching spongebob for six hours. You cannot tell me I'm not the favorite
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Found out my brother is now my eskimo brother...One of my proudest times as a brother
I just told you I can't. My fingers are melting. I have discovered the high.
drunk enough to drink jager bombs out of a bowl on the kitchen floor.
Cause I came home. Im covered in green marker and jack daniels. Theres a taco and the words "we went to Mexico" on my wrist. Im a walking abomination.
I have a challenge for you: find out where you are. you will receive Taco Bell if you succeed
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Look, as a friend I'm asking to see a picture of his tiny dick
Okay so.. What's with me and guys who have more than 2 nipples
L'Shannah Tovah!
Whats that? My new stripper name?
So he noticed that I cut a half inch off of my hair. Guess who just earned himself some road head on the way to the twin cities?
time to play the game of how much Christmas shopping I can get done before these shrooms kick in
90% sure the total babe I have been talking to all night has a kid. Ugh, so sad right now.
Im so high
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