My TA just asked me why I was late to class. How do I say because I was having the best orgasm of my life in Arabic?
For your information i will be shotgunning whiskey on may 21st.
Had a drag queen carry me to the car. So I'm told...
Dude, sorry for live texting you my binge drinking. If you'd like me to do the same for my hangover, I can share that I just had to sit down while q-tipping my ears.
You had me at "mimosas" several texts ago.
i was in burrito mode and too drunk to move. no fucks were given. none.
Before he comes over remember the house standards. Ask yourself "will he stalk my sister or myself in the future?". If the answer is yes, then no, he isn't allowed.
Whoever put salsa in the kiddie pool.....your an ass. Fuck you.
The staples of my diet are Labatt Blue, Xanax, and brick cheese.
I should have never moved out...
The alcohol tastes like we did a beer run at the nail salon
Well sort of got busted by a cop while having sex outside, so your call
He's being awfully beer snobby for a guy who ordered salad
Haha I had a heart to heart with a stripper so I would say it was a success?
drunk boyfriend and drunk me are NOT meant for each other
Never going back to jail again. Only time in my life I've ever had a wet dream about jerking it...
Randomize
