I want to dip my vagina in sugar. Not only will it be sweet, but it will have a nice sparkle.
just took a shot of real whiskey... i forgot what it's like to drink liquor that costs more than twelve dollars.
I'm glad I have good healthy relationships with my one night stands
oh god was she eating orange peels again
Btw, I'm creating an event on fb to celebrate the one yr anniversary since we went to jail.
I doubt were getting our security deposit back... the toilet just fell off the wall
The sorority chicks were the Persian army, and we were their 300 Spartans. Can barely stand up now...such a good ratio
You are going to be so proud of me, I'm wearing underwear AND tights. That's two layers more than usual between my vagina and the world.
BTW send me your address and size of condoms you wish your lover was-- "if you build it, they will come"
Hes trying to fuck me on a bear rug. Not saying no.
Liz is crying about burritos again.
Desperation looks like a $1 bottle of vodka and warm Cuban tap water.
Taking care of drunk people fulfills my need to be a mother
I'm drunk still and I cried and now I'm watching Whitney Houston singing the national anthem and I'm crying more
I complemented his smile, he sends me a dick pic. Seriously?
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