Someone wrote that you're a whore in one of the bathroom stalls
I didn't know I was popular enough to be hated. This is awesome
is it wrong that i plan on stealing a few pipecleaners from my preschool classroom to clean my bowl?
fuck your aforementioned shoe
He only dropped the Russian accent after we started having sex.
told our landlord the hole in the wall was from your head during drunk sex..
how did he take it?
not as well as i would have thought
Im eating these cheese filled pretzels. So good. Theres jizz dripping out places i didnt even know i had.
dude throwing a golf cart off a pier is harder than it seems!
My dad wants to dress like mitt Romney tomorrow night and tell trick or treaters they owe him candy.
It was so cute that he apologized for getting cum on my couch. If he realized how many guys had cum on that couch in the past year, he wouldn't have touched my vagina with a 10-ft pole.
We were on the ground in Tampa for 55 hours and we drank for 30 of them.
We won Spring Training 2013.
If I never see my landlord's dick again, it'll be too soon.
he was having a black light party and drinking manischewitz wine out of a three foot tall trophy he stole from mcdonald's...that's when I decided it was time to leave
Well I woke up and my arm was bleeding. And my blood is on the wall in the hallway.
Umm
No idea. I blame fireball.
Valid.
Im sober enough to understand what people are saying but drunk enough to understand its hilarious
The amount of illegal things I've done this weekend is astounding.
Randomize
