So I hogged the stall at Denny's for so long that a little kid shit his pants and ran crying to his mother. Am I a terrible person for this being the proudest moment of my life?
your transformation into a slut upon entering college is like a shakespearian tragedy
Hows this for an invention: a toilet that weighs your poop
You need to stop texting me at SEVEN in the morning. It wakes my one night stands up and makes for the awkward talk way too early.
just peed on the 7/11 floor and casually left. Omg so drunk
Burnt myself on soup.. consencus go back to hospl. they will lov me. twins in one nigh. still hve band on. fuck
I just took my birth control with a water bottle I found in my purse with vodka in it in Spanish class. 10am is still too early for me.
And know that if I ever text "road head?" that it comes from a place of caring and not a place of heartlessness..
WAKE UP!!! We have 20 minutes to get to class. That means we only have 10 minutes to get drunk.
Can we just smoke a few bowls and eat grilled cheese while drunk in our hotdog suits at 9am ?
Giving you good advice and being naked are not mutually exclusive.
It is a fiery spray of napalm-covered beautiful words that leave a flaming "fuck you" on the ground after I destroy him.
Last night I somehow got INCREDIBLY wasted & thought it was a good idea to make a group chat with all the guys I'm hooking up with and just say "bye." soo I'm hiding out till next week.
HAPPY BIRTHDAY I ATE TOO MUCH OF AN EDIBLE AND TOLD MY BARISTA I LOVED HER
I'm honestly just saving all my liver's power for when I die this weekend. that's how it works right
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