she was seriously choking and the whole time all he kept saying was "that's what she said"
The only dream I remember having is one where my dad's sperm turned into baby hippos. Like, tiny baby hippos, pocket-sized. I am so fucked up.
not my fault hes the one that tried to cuddle after. said he wanted to spoon away the shame.
we've got reservations. ask for the eat a bag of dicks table
All I want to do is fuck in the bell tower before it leave this school. Is that too much to ask?
We haven't said piping hot jizz in awhile... that needs to come back into our conversations
I'm surprised I haven't crapped out a leprechaun, I'm so hungover
I barely remember the girls that I got pregnant, you think I'm gunna remember the ones that played handball
Apparently drunk me thought it was time for a career change. I woke up with a message from Mcdonalds saying that I was hired as the new cashier.
You're doing screenings before you set me up again- no child sized dicks allowed.
Update: I spent 10 minutes trying to fish out a rogue vagina weight.
its 2pm and were already starting beer pong...its gonna be a good night
It’s just hard to believe you really care about me when u haven’t touched my dick in 2 months
You weren't singing into a microphone in front of an audience. You were screaming into your fist in the check-out aisle in Walmart.
thanks for letting me have sex in your bed, too bad you didn't get to yet
who are you?
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