Oh my god you would drunk register for a marathon.
You came on your own forehead. Just wanted to remind you that.
I passed out in the VIP room and she charged me for 17 songs until I woke up, theres a bouncer asking me for $700, fuck tequila
Honestly, I don't care whether it was a guy or a girl. Best blowjob ever.
Just saw a porn entitled "Nad Biter". Redheads are now forever out of the picture.
just found $310, wrapped in a rubber band, at the bottom of my sock drawer with a note attached stating, "Make it rain".
So apparently we dropped beers outside the apartment last night, and someone RETURNED them! Ha like what? I just walked out the front door to Christmas in a box on my doorstep.
He corrected my use of grammar... I think we both know that means i have to sleep with him
Last night when you stole the construction sign you told me to tell you that first you did it for the money Than you did it for the music But mostly you did it for your family
I had to ask him for a dick pic. Do you know how refreshing that was?
i think the realest test of our friendship is how hot your sister looks right now
What kind of sociopath goes to sleep at 9pm when I clearly need attention
Just keep me informed about your plans. That way i can figure out places to go and if i need to shave my balls
I hooked up with the sexiest couple in the LAX BATHROOM IN THE CHANGING FAMILY ROOM HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAA
she passed out standing next to the car. her head hit the door so hard the alarm went off. she instantly snapped out of it and started sprinting away
Randomize
