When we were fucking i started barking and growling at her.. you shoulda seen her face
what part of covering your puke with shaving cream seemed like a good idea?
Last night was proof dads should hug their daughters more
Just walked in on the Yellow Ranger getting porked by a guy in a UD Blue Hen costume. Will somebody PLEASE think of the children.
ME TOO. Am adrunk madr out qith. White guy. Guy de white. Blanco chico. Chico de blanco
I wish someone would just come knock on my door and fuck me already so that me and my stuffed animals aren't the only ones who see my amazing spring break tan. I'm not getting skin cancer so I can just sit here abstinent.
I AM THERE IN SPIRIT, TICKLING YOUR BALLS
i know i should keep better track of the things that i put in your vagina but i've put so many things in there it's hard to keep track
when I went into his room, he was sleeping on his stomach, almost as if to silently say, "you're not touching my dick tonight".
I've been to his house multiple times since that night and I STILL can't find my bra. And he says the hot tub ate my thong.
I think I'm destined to be the stoner version of one of those successful but emotionally unavailable characters Sandra Bullock always plays in movies
Can I chase this vodka with an onion?
IF YOU DIE ON LSD YOU DIE FOR REAL
I don't want to go to sleep. I like partying with myself.
So I just accidentally joined a bar crawl and got a free shotski of Jameson. I love life.
Randomize
