listening to techno makes your hand move faster while masterbating
Lets get really high and only speak Spanish to each other again tonight
know what turns me on? long, stringy hair on a pasty looking girl with an overstuffed backpack and kneepads over her jeans in case she falls off her scooter
your less of a man for seeing that
it glows. i had to have it.
dude uncooked spaghetti noodles dipped in thousand island dressing is better than it sounds
If i evwr doyble fist jack daniels and smirnoff again, i hereby give you permission to take them both away grom me and give me and give me a glass of wat
I always have trouble explaining my life decisions to people over the age of 30.
We interrupt your regularly scheduled Saturday morning programming with this important announcement: you are not the father. I repeat not the father. Congratulations and have a nice day.
corona bottle fell out of my backpack and broke in the middle of my physics midterm. yay me.
WAIT DID YOU MAIL ME A KITTEN
He offered me a trade. He'll come sober to my parents 25th anniversary dinner if I let him tie me up for an hour.
Update. bondage is a lot harder than it looks.
I'm fucking a man old enough to be my father who is also dating my boss. What have you done with your life?
Just remember, the Browns have more wins than Ronda Rousey this year.
Everyone else's "needs" are getting in the way of my alcoholism.
Either my boss has an enormous dick or he’s hiding a can of tennis balls in his bike shorts
Maybe I will go to the company picnic
Randomize
