Let's start a violent farting gang. We can do walkbys.
We even fucked WHILE he was making me breakfast in bed.
we're out of white wine, toilet paper and windex... too hard to explain via text
I thought I had fell out of his trailer but he says I tried to ninja kick his TV stand saying those girls hula hooping were trying to seduce him. There wasn't anyone else there.
Just got thank you sex for shoveling the driveway. I cant wait for the next blizzard
I didn't even realize you were getting that drunk until bam!
is bam when I fell down the stairs or when I threw up standing at the bar?
I changed the background on my phone to a picture of you so whenever I go to look at porn or text another girl I'll have second thoughts
Am I supposed to find that romantic?
And for the fourth year in a row Christmas has ended in tears, yelling and me drinking. This is officially our longest running Christmas tradition.
Then he said something about how from that angle I looked just like his mom.
I had this image of some guy in a taco truck down by the IMA accosting you for a peep show.
Nothing like having your house arrest ankle bracelet vibrate and take a moisture sample at the exact moment you're about to blow it in some chick...buzzkill
I somehow turned head, shoulders, knees, and toes into a sobriety test
ill give you some hints: blood, carnival, fog machine, happy meal.
We finally gave up searching because everything had started to look like flip flops
You started singing Baby Shark, screamed you have no idea how it goes, then somehow turned the beat into Bohemian Rhapsody
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