I want 2 things right now, you or a cig
cig
I just smoked a bowl in the dining room and am now drinking a glass of chocolate milk. i can't believe i'm getting paid for this.
I gave ten strangers a full description of his penis and its abilities. I need to stop drinking.
he went to have surgery in the morning and apparently they found lip gloss on his dick
Morning yack off the fire escape. Girl walking by was mortified. Gooooooooo Ducks!!
I want to be you.
You told me you aren't worried about the police that you've been training for this an that the last three months of your life have been devoted to building up your stun gun tolerance and pepper spray recovery time.
Oh god. It's like a broken faucet. My guts sound like a bilge pump clogged with golf balls and cake frosting.
The stripper was waving you to the stage, not up on the stage. That's why you got choked out.
These are your "grown up" slampiece's new hours of operation; please plan accordingly
She was trying to drink out of the beer bong and she thought it didn't work. Little did she know there was no beer in there. Then she got mad at us. Girls.
I know he's not here, but I can still see him. I found some of my old stash and its good shit so its expected to see sunlight at night and scary llama men. Midgets or otherwise.
Per my usual Thursday, I blacked out and slept on the stairs.
I know I joke about running from my problems a lot but I'm 3 miles off-campus and need a ride
poll: am I friendzoned if he just called me brochacha? on one hand, he called me bro, but on the other, he used the a to make it feminine.
Once you start using "cuddles" as a code word for sex you'll never get real cuddles again
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