need another drink. this is the easiest way
I woke up this morning and thought "Im sure I've seen this house in a porno" and instantly googlemapped myself
Random 1st period thought: do you think she could put "had a threesome" on her resume?
i dedicated my morning wood to you.
It's gotten to the point where NOT peeing in the sink feels strange and uncomfortable.
It's hard to be above the influence when you are the influence.
we fucked the fort apart but we'll rebuild it after we get some drinks.
I just had a 30 minute conversation about hummingbirds. That high.
I miss high conversations.
Swinging. Is. Amazing.
Idk if I woke up next to a cat or raccoon. either way it's purring.
DONT EVER DUNK OREOS INTO WINE . NEVER
She's been drunk for three days now
Like three straight days. 72 hours
She's been covered in glitter for the last two and somehow she found a monkey
Any chance the bar is open now? Also who's wedding is this?
Black magic does not go near my vagina, it's a rule
My dog and I just went outside to pee together.
I’ve been home 1 day and already had sex with my ex and got a blowie from her cousin and currently I’m getting molested by a cougar at the bar!!!! Plenty to give thanks for this year!!!!
Randomize
