do you ever just like the smell of your farts?
I learned his name tonight. This now makes him a real person. Obviously, I no longer want to sleep with him.
Wow anytime a scalper has i need tix written on the back of a franzia box thats a trusted seller
I can't make this stuff up. Your ex is singing I Will Survive on the karaoke.
i like how i just referred to his pregnant wife as the "other" melissa and you didn't even judge me.
She's lying on the sidewalk wailing that she is gonna die alone, with hundreds of strangers watching us, and also we lost Kate, . Please help me
I'm going to pound you from behind over a table at the bar while I pull your hair and call you a whore...please pass along that message to Rob
Is it just me, or do you see your penis in that hand?
So many Oreos I'm regretting this decision already but I'm happy at the same time...The straddle is real
Struggle. Not straddle. I'm not straddling anyone.
HE ASKED IF I HAD SIBLINGS WHEN I ASKED HIM TO LICK MY ASSHOLE
he brings me coffee and gets a blow job. not sure if I trained him or he trained me or it's simply mutually beneficial beautiful.
Put a Santa hat on my junk. He's wants to be festive too.
It seems that Coffee is the true alpha male.
Just got back from a Walmart run. The music went straight from Kid Rock to John Phillip Souza. If that doesn't scream 'MURICA I don't know what will. Happy 4th!
He’s tiny, hairless and humps my leg when he wants sex. He’s basically a chihuahua
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