I thought I had fell out of his trailer but he says I tried to ninja kick his TV stand saying those girls hula hooping were trying to seduce him. There wasn't anyone else there.
Dude you called me last night to let me listen to you piss in a cup and drink it. Just making sure you survived
I looked at my arm when I woke up..I guess after 8 tally marks I said fuck it and wrote "too much"
every time fb tells me a dude i fucked is now friends with another dude ive fucked, i die a little inside. thats way more honesty than im comfortable with.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He gets a blow job and all I get is a huge scar on my arm ... how is this fair?
He says I tipped the waitress ten dollars because she "smelled like pigs in a blanket."
judging by her collection of mens sweaters, shes fucked the entire lands end catalog.
A woman on my train just walked down the carriage in a wedding dress, crying and clutching a can of Carlsberg. Oh...
Yeah, you went up to him and said "I stare at people until they feel obligated to talk to me."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I want to get back to junior year skinny- without all the drugs.
I took out the emergency phone in the elevator and replaced it with a bottle of vodka. The game is simple, do a shot for the number of the floor you're going to. Best suggestion box tip ever.
So what if I got a tattoo on a bus, it was sterile.
OMG he dropped his pants for me. Granted it was to show me where he got stabbed but still...
I don't know what you're doing this morning, but obtaining Plan B is my number-one priority.
I'm not sure you count what happened last night as sex.
Randomize