I have two black x marks on my hands.
Yep you got cut off last night after a stripper bent over in front of you and you screamed very loudly 'I can see your soul from here'
damnit I wish I could remember that.
Just had to explain to the nurse WHERE I have poison ivy. Great Day
Dude they have ski ball. Anywhere that has skiball is bound to be bangin.
So i know you wont get this until you land, but if i'm late its cause i was having sex. being blunt and hope that explains things.
Hey just to warn you theres a really fat guy passed out in front of our front door snoring. Don't touch him, he's in god's hands now.
im sorry but you know it was a good night when you got tasered on the ass and didnt even feel it
Someone's having a good night if they're getting gummi bears and Astroglide.
For months it was all good and well just having sex. Now, something in me has snapped and I'm dreaming of taking turtleneck Christmas pictures with him. Fuck you, we're going out tonight. I need this.
your ability to divide cases of beer among any given group of people equally was missed.
We don't know where he is but he left his pants and what appears to be a tooth here so he's gotta come back sometime
Reminder: You could have had sex with me while wearing a tiara.
Brb crying the tears of my youth
I made him watch the first 5 episodes of Game of Thrones before I decided to sleep with him.
You were out of control then you fell asleep on his lap for 30 min and woke up civil. Way to powernap to sobriety!
Your ex spoke highly of your penis and it’s skill. I’m interested in learning more about it ;-)
Randomize
