quit re-tweeting John McCain's tweets
he showed me his boner with his cell phone light during the movie.
well, I suppose if I had to pick a penis to represent the american public, yours would be it
I just had a 30 minute fake cell phone conversation with myself just to avoid hooking up with the drunk guy next to me. its like an art form.
Finding a keg in our kitchen would be like god personally high fiving each of us.
How was the rest of your night?
A little fuzzy and a lot naked.
I talk a lot when I drink rum. he was going down on me and i was telling him how i wished i could tap dance. oh god
We got hammered last night and I woke up this morning with texts from 'iron maiden chick.' wtf?
I just realized how terrible that was... I was drumming on your penis to a song about Baby Jesus.
In other news, I tore a tendon in my hand from giving my boyfriend handjobs so that's how my day is going
Apparently I told him the people made me order taco bell I didn't even want it. And then proceeded to turn off all the lights and sit at the kitchen table in the dark and told him not to look at me.
I'm gunna wear a purple dress, so if you see someone looking confused and lost wearing purple it's probably me
that may or may not have been my penis.
Just landed in Atlanta. Still drunk. I can't feel my face
Do you remember what happened last night? All I could find we're phone numbers of strip clubs in Detroit. Did we go to Detroit?
Randomize
