I wasn't fucked. I was just drunk, because i was still able to walk into the woods and masterbate.
Then my mouth guard fell out of the hole, so that's how the dog poop got in my mouth.
I remember asking you "need some dick tonite?"
Yeah I guess to me frat party equals penis party. oh the wonders of vodka.
I walk of shamed back from his dorm in costume while his dad and brother were waiting outside to drive him home. his dad apologized to me. my life never gets old.
But guess what. I'm gonna roll over and go to sleep cuz there's no cuddling in phone sex.
I think we should make Neil Patrick Harris a permanent part of our role playing.
Is it weird that I want your dad to go down on me?
From what I hear, her blowjob factory was runninng at full capacity this weekend.
It's just one of those days where I'm too horny to function, to be perfectly honest.
Favor? Can you not wear as much glitter on your face this time? Walking in the house looking like a disco ball was enough embarrassment for the week 😒
He told me he deactivated his facebook because his girlfriend caught him wackin it to my profile picture.
10 points to you
The rest of the concert I just stared at the lights and didn't really listen to the music cuz I was trying to make sure my brain still worked cuz my face was numb and I couldn't move... Yeah I'm not a weed brownie person
ten seconds after he was done making out with the blonde, he rips off his jacket and screamed "Goddamn it, you know I like brunettes"
I have never seen someone so pissed at getting some. i called dibs so fuck him
I'm a grown ass woman. Treat me like one. Fuckboy
If he’s halfway attractive, employed and cool with me having boytoys, I’ll marry him
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