apparently i'm not the first person wake up and realize she's ugly cuz i tore this house apart and there is no sign of my clothes
I am pretty sure he just licked my hand while trying to sing goo goo dolls iris to me. Get me out of this state.
you got in your car and made the sounds of a NASCAR, then called me on your phone and I was your pit crew. then you apparently you won the race, and THAT'S when you tried to backflip off the top of your car.
just watched a girl laugh at her own fingers... it's not even noon...
youre talking to a girl on facebook chat right now and im sitting behind her in class lol. creepy?
I positioned my bed perfectly so around 10 a.m. every morning there are rays of sunshine coming through the window in my room. Now i can tan while PTFO.
Its official. Iv'e been kicked out of a bar in every state. I would like to take my job and travel time for allowing this to happen.
someone just sent me a bong wrapped in christmas paper in the mail. signed 'santa'.
well considering we left the bathroom with the mirror off the wall, a bloody nose, and clothes all messed up they assume im just a coke whore now..
Chasing shots by shotgunning beers is not a good idea.
There are pictures of you on the shoulders of some old guy dressed as borat
Is it frowned upon to puke at Keeneland while you're betting on horses or is it just whatev
Yea. I feel great. My life is great. My job isn't as shitty. And my daddy loves me. I love strip clubs. Great self esteem boost.
For the record you're an amazing lay and you have great taste in breakfast sandwiches
1. Everyone on the 1st and 3rd floor heard you. 2. The 3rd floor vibrates when we have sex. 3. The 1st floor can hear the bed squeak.
Randomize
