I wanna put my baby in that!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Ew you even made it your fb status
Ppl probably think ur having a kid
I hope
Love having children with random chicks
i hate this light. i wouldnt even hook up with me in this light
Remember that dream I told you about where I shit out my own skeleton? I had it again last night.
quick I need to know all the foods that the very hungry caterpillar ate
he needs to stop telling all his friends what my queefs sound like. its getting awkward to be around people who can quote my vagina.
Signed everyone in my dorm up for free samples of astroglyde. Took me an hour. Happy new years!!!!!
So last night I taught an old homeless dude to respond to "Blue" so I could shout your my boy Blue at the party
Dude just the look on his face when she sat down next to him, threw one leg over his, and just said "so..." was fucking amazing
Also, fucking on half deflated air mattresses is a great full body work out.
My grandma just invited me to gate crash a funeral for the free food. Priorities.
He left a fire sauce packet from taco bell that said "promise you'll text me in the morning" on my nightstand.
I duct taped a bottle of vodka to the back of your closet while you were sleeping in case of emergencies. Go rip it off, it's going to be a long night.
I was puking for like ten minutes when I realized my parents were fucking in the shower and were afraid to come out
So were driving two hours to go to a club and Charles packed me a sippy cup full of tequila. He thinks of everything!
We smell like vodka and hangover
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