I am about to be in my happy place. (the shower with a 6 pack)
it feels good to walk into a CVS and not go straight to the pharmacy counter for plan b. its been a while....
Almost accidentally stole a baby... explain later
I can'nr wwn explain this nihght . So amnt dixks. Shitttttt.
I am literally missing a chunk of eyelashes. That's how fun it was.
We had a 30 min conversation last night about whether or not to bone that girl with a lisp to see if she moans with one...
I don't always steal things but when i do it is a six foot five dos equis guy
He was still there when I ran half naked into my suitemate's room where she was skyping her boyfriend and I started singing I JUST HAD SEEEEX
Is it too early to start pregaming for St. Patty's?
Do you remember ripping my condom off last night while yelling "I DEMAND MY MEAT RAW" like a Viking?
"There should be some kind of award for sleeping with your ex 9 times in 3 days."
He got hotter. I'm offended on behalf of the rest of our graduating year.
You've discovered your super power: Your Vagina
How do you say, "I love you, but i prefer sex with someone else." in a good way? Ponder that over a jack and coke and get back to me.
I can appreciate that you picked up the hot drummer, but don’t have sex in front of my house lmao
Randomize
