Well, I guess that settles the question of how thick the walls are in my building.
duuuude. vodka popsicles DO NOT function.
I just got my poem back from the prof, there's a sticker of a girraffe on it and it says "you're awesome!" ... How can this even be considered real college?!?
That's the first time you've ever said the L word without referring to drinking or partying.
So how many shot glasses of coffee grounds make a pot?
I should hang a sign above my bed that says "get hard or go home."
He asked if I was on the pill, apparently I just downed my glass of beer and winked at him...
Dude, you bit through my nipple. Give it a week, damn.
I love that your nipples always taste like clean laundry.
We found him flat on his back, sobbing, 'fuck you stars' at the sky. No more everclear for Derek.
With a butt like mine I'll never have to pay for Netflix again.
The only reason I have clothes in my overnight bag is to cover up my sex toys.
Why did u text me "I want to get drunk and go to pizza hut tomorrow. don't let me forget." at 3am??
That text was pretty fucking self-explanatory, man.
Last night I was the DD and was trying to drop off some chick I didn't know at her place. The closest thing to an address I got was "where the goldfish go."
Why is the microwave staring at me?!
Randomize
