your life is more of a joke than dina lohan.
if you\'re going to compare me please pick the classy one. Michael Lohan.
thanks for being my friend even though im irresponsible with my vagina
we were spooning and you were the big spoon but you insisted that I call you "the ladle"
I just wanna buy a tempur-pedic so i can drink in bed and not spill
He waited til after we had sex to tell me he had herpes... Ugh I hate being drunk
currently shading my boobs to make it look like i have mass cleavage...thanks art school
At least I tried to be smart when I brought the alarm clock into the bathroom just in case I fell asleep.
the thought 'we cant do it, we're in a public place' crossed my mind, and then I realized he's succeeding if he's trying to domesticate me.
elevator sex. pronto.
That sad moment when you flush your Molly down the toilet at the airport & watch your vacation slowly end..
Hey its me your friend who impressed the pharmacist by already knowing the generic version of plan b by name
I just told the sun to stop. That hungover.
Do you know how hard it is to give a bj in your dead grandmothers car
I need a costume for that party. Even if I'm just taking it off.
sometimes you just have to listen to beyonce and cry. that's how life works
It was a crazy night: tears were shed, blood was spewed, and bottles were emptied.
Randomize
