I can see my step sister's thong. Don't know if I should let myself be turned on or not
Is there a nice way to say "I like you, but I hate your dick?"
I looked at him all bewildered and he said, "what? I figured if it was under 30 seconds it'd be free."
how should i feel about a person who brings a box of eggo waffles on the plane as a carry on?
She just told me she blew the waiter in the bathroom. Should I still leave a tip?
does it count as a threesome if she tried to blow the dude who was passed out next to us?
"drunk introduce yourself to everyone colleen" came out last night... you kept grabbing guys faces that you just met and just kept saying their names over and over and over again so you wouldn't forget.. then would see them 5 minutes later to introduce yourself again..
Can I just say that you're probably one of my favorite people to have sex with and then eat hummus with at 3:45am?
I'm currently braless eating the balls of the penis cake and drinking warm champagne. I'm 3 cats away from crazy at this point
We can't BOTH have terrible sex lives. Get fucked or throw him out.
You were so drunk last night you left the bar to go buy a razor so you could go home with him
You ran down the alley towards a stranger screaming "you took my beer".... Then proceeded to run into a garage, fall down, and scream about how your shirt makes you look fat.
Just had my butthole waxed. If that changes your plans for Saturday..
I'm not saying i'm drunk
But i'm drunk.
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when I get back.
Randomize
