Can i not drive my cunt home
would you ever date a girl who drove an 89 Chrysler LeBaron? - for the record it's a convertable
Circus confirmed... Jello shots before 9 pm are not cocktails for sucess
I wanted to take a shower but I forgot we made applesauce in it last night.
She looks like a junkie muppet...awful
No seriously stop! I feel bad for him. It isn't even big enough to make fun of. It's so small that it's like a disability.
dude she got out of bed and definitely took a shit then checked her stomach out in the mirror and whispered "well that probably took off five pounds"
I lost my bar virginty and made out with a dwarf. It was a good night
On the flip side Weston asked if he could move me to Wisconsin to be his "moto hoe" which is actually a thing apparently
he was making out with her against the stove and started a fire--the thirst literally almost burned the place down!!
Yeah so then I used the selfie stick his mom gave me to take nudes
He asked me while we were fishing why the passion was gone when we have sex. It's official...I am the dude in this relationship.
I wonder how many people saw me whip my junk out and bang it on the light post in front of holabird bar and liquors last night. I'm about tired of having to do that.
Nobody saw you except the people in the bar, because you weren't outside. You were inside, and you were smacking it on the mens bathroom door handle
I really hate whoever invented fireball.
I woke up wearing mittens dude
I woke up in my bathtub with the potted plant from downstairs.
checkmate.
Can you cover for me after lunch? I’ve never seen a guy who cums as much as my new Side Dick so now I need to clean the house before my husband gets home
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