guess who came home with a hottie last night
Def drugged
I have demons in me.
i think i just witnessed the elusive male walk of shame
I have your camera. You have 35 naked pictures of me. you're welcome.
I pretty much gave up on you when you told me you couldn't go home yet b/c you had to stop at church first. It was 2 AM and you insisted you were late for mass.
I'm not sure if what i'm hearing downstairs is sex or not, but if it is, it sounds like there's a dog involved...i'm mildly concerned.
Tonight that bitch will not be with him. You will drunkingly talk him out of this wedding. It is your duty as the one with the least amount of soul. Good luck.
That makes the second boyfriend of hers that I've fucked. I'm gonna start keeping an eye on every guy she even speaks to. Girl is my sexual rabbit's foot.
I Can't even believe I threw all my pizza rolls at her, I mean not only did i ruin a good meal but now I dont have anymore
Walked in on my roommate covering his dick in blue frosting. Am staying with my folks for the Forth. See you Monday if the brain bleach works.
I want a shirt that says, "I'm sorry for the things I said when it was Taco Tuesday"
Sorry your girlfriend got you a valentines present and you forgot to get her one.
How long will your dick be dry?
I'm not saying I'm planning to hook up tomorrow but I'm also not saying I'm unprepared for it
Started my new year off by being hospitalized with pneumonia. You?
Found out I'm pregnant.
I'll stick with pneumonia.
She then told me, and I quote "I want to send you nudes just to see how you'd react."
Randomize
