I want to drop kick Stephanie Meyer
you spelled her name wrong
not you too!!
The KFC double down is way too much for a drunk. He was just staring at it in awe.
SEE! I KNEW I HAD A LONG-TERM REASON FOR BEING A SLUT!
Dude their dog does tricks for sips of beer. He keeps going up next to people and trying to shake. This is awesome.
he just gave me a love letter in polish. he thinks i speak polish. I DONT SPEAK POLISH
Congratulations, I drank so much for your birthday that I'm shitting blood.
That UFC fighter fucked me so hard I have what can only be described as a "cuntcussion"
Hey! Welcome back! How was the bachelorette in Vegas?
A safari of penis I hurt to the core
It was really strange. I feel like I had sex with a synchronized swimmer.
fuck you I'm eating salad I can't be drunk.
Dude I swear I'm scooping human shit out of the litter boxes. What the fuck happened last night?
Walking back to my car from the campus library and just saw a Nuva Ring on the sidewalk. If that doesn't scream college life, idk what does.
I accidentally put Bacardi in my coffee this morning. I ain't even mad.
I was taking a nap and she comes in wo/ pants, gets up on the bed and mounts my face while watching Weeds on Netflix. I'm okay with it, but at least let me wake up first.
OMG OMG OMG!!!! I made his penis bleed!! I repeat I MADE HIS PENIS BLEED!!!!
Randomize
