can we please move this conversation out of my vagina?
Thank you for holding my vodka while the police let me ride their horse.
I miss seeing your mom and dad at church, well mostly just your mom... She used to hug my face into her boobs.
Quiet hours sex sucks. I hate finals.
I found those 18 whoppers we bought.
There was a note in my hello kitty underwear telling me "don't go over 9000"
Think about if the incredible hulk and king kong had a retarded baby. That's the sound she made in my ear the entire time I fucked her.
That was like me applying to a law school drunk at 5 am
Hahaha. That's funny.
But I got an 18k dollar per year scholarship
I don't know. I just thought I'd put my drinks in my bag and go on an adventure. Like a drunk Bilbo Baggins.
Honesty, no. I just want to shower you with hot dogs.
I have fuck me eyes 4/5 people agree. It's like doctors or dentists but with ppl who have lots of sex and know these things.
Hey, it's not my fault that you had a shitty bed frame that couldn't handle the rough sex you're into.
I'm constantly crying, and now I start crying every time I masturbate which is a fun development.
I'm high on the exercise bike at the gym. I feel like Lance Armstrong
I was just told I’m pretty enough to be a catfish. This made me so happy...
Randomize
