Do you still have your period?
Booty call?
Dude you don't even follow my twitter
sometimes I tug on my anal hairs for pleasure
you've officially gone too far. we are no longer friends
it's circumsized.
I think this conversation is over.
all you kept saying from the spare room was "can you bring me a puke bowl...and the cat"
it wasn't the penis i had been hoping for.....but i took it regardless.
I look like shit btw. Like the joker from Batman.
I'm not sure how that's possible unless you put on face paint. Which I would respect.
I left the bar I'm on a bench across from the bowling alley taking a nap please come get me. I've had three lollipops.
I'm Michael Phelps, Olympic Champion.
Are you just smoking weed? Cause that's not actually a Michael Phelps costume
Nahh no judgin. Compliments to the balls are always heartfelt
He facetimed with his son when he was still inside of me. If that's not a dedicated dad I don't know what is
This dude has batman tighty whities on over his cargo pants and he has the nerve to yell "fuck you bitch" up at my window.
I deserve this hangover.
Just cuz I'm recovering alcoholic does NOT make me the taxi for you every weekend
You think my vibrator will be okay in the dishwasher?
Randomize
