fuck, i never want to drink again I drunk dialed matt last night and broke up with him the second night in a row. FUCK QUADFEST
yeah so this exboyfriend of yours reckons you're still together and he punched me in the face cos i slept with you last week. you might wanna have a word with him or at a minimum change your facebook status.
dude, i think i am in a porno. I was working out at the hotel gym and some chick was doing yoga and a guy comes up and says "good, now i know your flexible" then they started making out. WTF?
The walk of shame is far, far worse on crutches.
We JUST got rid of the new years fatties at my gym and now the spring break fatties are here. goddamn.
He's yummy.
HE'S GAY. AND 40.
Irrelevant.
Peeing off the roof of a motel lighting a cigar with matches and speaking fluent spanish with a chilen exchange student...how do iget into these situations?
say penis size is all related to how funny you are and then tell a feminist joke. if she laughs, you got double points, if she slaps you, she probably wasn't going to sleep with you anyway
PROFESSOR JUST TOOK A SHOT WITH US BEFORE CLASS. WELCOME TO THE LAST DAY OF FINALS.
Do you remember lying across two tables saying 'go away I'm trying to pull' to me, Sollie and Sean?
So I deleted all the text from my phone, was looking for my mom's coffee order and show the coffee guy the pic of me eating pussy.
And your boyfriend doesn't mind you constantly taking pictures of his dick just to freak out your brother?
its more like he's accepted that he can't stop me
I'm having leftover pizza for breakfast. I'm clearly not the greatest at this adult thing.
Well now you know my birthday fantasy: gangbang consisting of men wearing NPR pledge t-shirts.
You ran up a $300 bar bill on his card and he didn't have you arrested, be grateful and move on.
Randomize
