worst 3rd wheel sitch ever. i'm crammed into a booth with him and chubs mcgee and his hand is between her legs. thank youuu karma.
I accidentally told him I've been cheating on him with his brother last night.
How did that happen by accident?
I was drunk and vomited all over him and thought, "maybe he will just stay with me out of pity if I tell him with stomach acid and alcohol all over his crotch." I was wrong.
I didn't realize how hung over I was until I rolled over and the world rolled over with me.
You deserve yourself a blunt and a build a bear.
one of them held the wheel while the other one changed her pants. while driving. on the thruway. what
You flooded my bathroom while trying to construct a hot tub. All three of you were completely naked.
I don't care if we have to swim home from the bar, Im not gonna sit home in the dark and read some fucking book
Not sure if he was actually hot or hot in a "he brought a live chicken to the party" kinda way but I got his # regardless
I was dressed in monkey onesie serving people vodka jelly with a spoon...
I have to stop envisioning penises as dragons.
Yah at one point i was listening to metallica and doing pushups last night. I went thru alot of emotions.
Imagine getting smashed in the dick by a basketball. A basketball made of metal. With spikes. That's pretty much what his dick looked like.
It's ok. I will share any beautiful men that I drug and leave unconscious on my bed. I'm that kind of friend.
I've been asked to reupholster their slam-couch so I found some off-cuts of medical-grade, hermetically sealed fabric. She'll be slammed upon for generations to come.
You left a motherfucking bruise. ON MY TIT. How? How do you even. No.
Randomize
