i'm in his bathroom *freshening up* and he not only has a hairdryer... but a straightener. get me out of here... NOW
Call it a failed empirical study as to whether drugs would make her more interesting. or at least better in bed.
i was so blacked out at my family party.. my mom gave markers to all my little cousins. i was tagged by 5 year olds.
She just used a chaser for red wine.
I thought short asians scared me, however seeing my first tall asian I'm terrified.
And whoever invented the condom should be put to death.
my momz letting me make the christmas card in photoshop
so that means christmas in space?
imma make our dead cats ghosts like obi wan kenobi
Ever have a day where u just waNna wake up get a blow job eat food and chill I just want today to be that day
He was drinking hot tub water because i refused to get him a glass of water...
It's not even 6 am and I've already told my mom to fuck herself in the face
I found your missing hash cookies. Fuck you and I'm sorry but there are only 2 left. I already had the munchies.
I FLASHED A GUY AT MCDONALDS FOR A FREE BREAKFAST BURRITO. IT WORKED!
i was in class looking for a pencil and found a chicken strip in my back pack. i think i might have a problem.. sad thing is i ate it
This is the most aggressive rendition of that Proclaimers song I ever heard.
What the fuck was I thinking eating an entire tub of potato salad on acid. My stomach today bro
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