Turns out drinking large amounts of Gentleman Jack does NOT turn you into a Gentleman -- quite the opposite actually.
I just googled "whats above a trillion", thats how busy I am at work.
its time for step 4 of getting over him: post his number on the transvestite page on craigs list asking for pics
I would be the drunk girl eating cake on the front steps alone.
She had another shot and asked if I wanted to taste her tongue ring. Then I helped her pee.
i'm too drunk to leave my room. poked my head out like a turtle and everyone knew i wasn't sober. i like it better in my nonjudgmental turtle shell anyway.
If you hit me with your dick and make light saber noises we are breaking up. I don't care if it's your birthday, you are not a sex Jedi.
So is singing the star wars theme as I put the condom on off limits?
there COULD be a gas leak in our house... proceeding to smoke with extreme caution...
well I think it'll pretty much be gone by Saturday. On a scale of 1- Snooki's unborn child how much do periods freak you out?
Double vision is so hot when a big dick is in sight. Thank you Bud Light.
We did a lot of coke and Bedazzled the couch. It seemed like a good idea at the time.
With a breakfast like weed and a fun size twix before a dentist appointment you can see exactly how I handle being an adult
No. You don't want this. When I threw up last night, it was so intense I went blind for about 3 seconds.
What's the rule for getting in fights with homeless men in suits?
Here's a rule: don't
I think you'll appreciate my way of waking up today: Under my cubicle, boxed in by boxes of printer paper, and hung over. I don't even know how the fuck I got in here in the middle of the night. I went to my car and fell back asleep. I'm now 2 1/2 hours late.
Randomize
