Sundresses, hats, and big glasses. That is the greatest trick the devil ever taught women.
instead of telling him i dont hook up with closet frat guys, i gave him his "straight' fraternity brothers number... pike house will be interesting tonight
he put listerine on his cock to make the taste more "enjoyable"... i think hes a keeper.
It's ok that you're screwing someone else while trying to get back with me, I'm banging three girls while I ignore you.
She said I was the most selfish person in bed she's ever been with and she's fucked Tucker Max.
Oh god. It's like a broken faucet. My guts sound like a bilge pump clogged with golf balls and cake frosting.
I tried to make friends with the geese living behind Hughes. They didn't really like that idea.
Are you high?
I'm hoping my engineering degree will pay off when I invent porn watching in the shower
I'm the one on the patio wearing underwear. Holding a pipe. Pigtail and glasses. Can't miss me.
The profile of her ass is just unreal. Weird way to use profile I know, but never more accurate
When you woke up the first word out of your mouth was "whoa"
I was feeling the aftermath of his penis
I just sat on the floor of my shower for 20 minutes to punish myself for drunk me's decisions.
I thought you couldn't go near Germans after that restraining order
It's 5am and I come home to you naked on the kitchen table and 3 people I never saw before fucking on the back porch ... and my weed gummy worms are gone. fuck you I'm taking your mom's offer
Uhm... Found a ziploc bag... In the freezer. Sam, thought it was lemonade. Why did you make frozen piss at my house, again?
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