I always feel awkward when im sitting at home watching the price is right and the fat contestant get the gym equipment.
Thank you for holding my vodka while the police let me ride their horse.
Let me make this really simple. We woke up this morning and fucked three times. When I got up and took a shower she cleaned up the mess from last night and did the dishes. Then we went out and she bought me brunch. I don't give a FUCK how much you don't like her.
she hid the dish soap because she was afraid someone would confuse it with the margaritas and drink it instead. her reasoning was "theyre both soo pink...i cant tell them apart"
Having never done that before, When should one expect the horrible shame to end? Days, months, ever?
A week or so, depending on size. In your case, maybe give it a month.
He told me to fuck off at some point in the night. I think it was right before he jumped out of a moving car trying to get to another bar and made Abby cry.
No man. Everyone needs to shit off a roof, at least once.
I am currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
We popped the air mattress last night via sex and we just kept going but it feels like I have a bruise on every vertebrae
The hotel had a helipad. Of course we had sex on it.
I got to walk around for eight hours wearing power armor and acting camp. No way I wouldn't love it.
I'm a hopeless romantic with the sex drive of a married politician. IM DOOMED.
We gotta locate my vibrators and get them stashed away STAT
OMG LOOK AT THAT PIECE OF MAN
I haven’t trained for this.
Whatever you wanna call it i just wanna get railed tonight
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