You can call me Bill Clinton. I brought 2 good looking Asians home last night.
I just spent my lunch hour driving around campus yelling "TRADE LIVES WITH ME!" to all the freshmen moving in
How do I invite him to our 4th of July cookout without sounding too much like "hey you were my first orgasm and I want your dick inside my while watching fireworks"
We had an indepth conversation about his employment at Arbys..
Don't be offended. I can't even stand sleeping next to my dildo after I'm done, let alone a whole person.
Dude, I need a lifestyle change. I'm to old to be making out with chicks in foam parties, letting older chicks get all excited because I let them put their hands up my shirt, and running around doing scavenger hunts with 18 yr old chicks.
Bring one of those heart stabber things in case you go into shock. I'll jab you.
This family outing has commenced with me throwing up in an apple orchard
If you are breathing, I want you at your house. No non-breathing-related excuses.
Bro, she said my penis was the best thing to happen to her mouth since teeth.
Like we just had a bunch of sex and then he threaded my eyebrows in bed lol. It was amazing
in the midst of studying i picked up my capsule full of untouched weed, popped it open, and whispered "soon" into it. midterms man
Between randomly bursting into tears and the reappearance of my lost sex drive, this break up has left me bizarrely damp.
Two old ladies openly mocked me this morning at drunk breakfast. Is it time to reevaluate my life choices?
My breath smells like dick and biscuits..
Randomize
