We were hooking up, both of us naked. She starts putting her clothes back on and says, "I have to go to the bathroom." I reply, "No you don't, you're leaving." Without hesitation she looks at me and says, "Yeah."
Tell us when you see the semi truck on fire.
my debit card account is gonna say movie, movie, ice cream, movie, cheese fries, get a fucking life, movie
I lost my grandmas ring. Probably during the handjob.
I just found my "random bang list for summer of 2012" that I wrote last night.. It's written on a Plan B receipt. If this isn't irony I don't know what is.
It's like a new game! Find out if he's circumcised without actually seeing it
Captain Morgan didnt let me down when i stand up it feels like the world is trying to hand me rainbows.
We got to the second bar and all he kept saying was "I'm on an alcohol safari!" Best 21st birthday ever.
Haha its fine we ask know it. He's still cool thought
Focus on the keyboard man. Focusssss
The thought "Ummm which pants am I wearing? ...I *am* wearing pants, right?" just ran through my head. I'm done. So done.
I think we have it figured out.. She's my wife when she's here and gives me advise on how to get ass when she's 1500 miles away.
If I stopped drinking I'd have to take up murdering.
Can you send me the picture of me licking the cows udders?
I am the image of restraint, it's why im just hungover and not in the hospital
So what if is hockey, you don’t turn down sex with a professional athlete. They work out all day and have amazing stamina. Your vagina will thank you!
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