I cant wait for the day that I tell my daughter I named her after my favorite porn star.
just went onto Yahoo and the featured article had a picture of one of the Jonas brothers. last two times the featured article was a celebrity's face the headline was "Michael Jackson is Dead" and "Pitchman Billy Mays is Dead" so naturally I got a little excited. Turns out he's just engaged. Who gives a fuck.
Well if I fail my finals for being drunk on Cinco De Mayo there is always next year to graduate.
You said that last year...
I'm at a free clinic. Feel like I should cough or sneeze so it's not blatantly obvious I'm getting checked for STI's.
you were just eating all his cookies and kept mumbling "them crumblies" when the crumbs got on your shirt.
this kid is using one arm to help his buddy with a keg stand, and the other arm to hold up the chick he's making out with.
so, give him that "thank you for fighting for my freedom bj" & he wont even remember what you said in that six min voice mail.
Thank you, I really appreciate that. I know I couldn't participate in class tonight and I hope that doesn't affect my grade too much. So please let me know of any extra credit opportunities such as fellatio
Tell me when you get here. I'm drinking beer in the bushes next to your house, and I put my hoodie up because I was cold. Pretty sure everyone lowkey thinks i'm homeless.
Fuck I am so excited for the first time I can make someone call me Doctor Nikki during sex after I finish my PhD
That's the 3rd guy I've made pass out from a bj. I may have super powers.
He's a drill sergeant! The sadomasochist in me can't resist that.
And I hope you're not misinterpreting us fucking as me trying to win you back. The sex is good and girls have needs.
There's a hole in our hallway wall. Don't hate me. I'll fix it. It's only about the size of a beach ball. I promise to never scale walls in our apartment ever again. Don't hate me. I love you.
he's fucking insane. he's worse than me. is that even possible? I'm only with him because his dick is huge. I need Jesus.
Randomize
