Thanks for jumping on that grenade for me last night. You're the best wingman ever
She ate 7 of the 8 slices of pizza. I deserve a purple heart and sex w your sister
Apparently throwing up on your own cape is still a party foul
Does Vicodin go better with white or red wine?
i must've hopped out the car and eaten some leaves...even when your'e drunk that's not acceptable
Well, a cop just pulled up. This could go either way.
So ahh..."Multicultural Night" turned into "Fuck the Neighbor Night"
for the record, you never really realize how drunk you still are until you get on rollerskates...
PS my house is a mess.
pps I have a rash on my face.
I ate vegetarian today, so I deserve a beer.That's my justification.
It's like you're the voice of my soul.
You have 4 bottles of kahlua in ur drawers but no sox
It's like the bat signal. He only texts me when I'm naked.
And then the night went full on bisexual.
Now with the essential back story, I can empathize. Sorry about your beer and butthole.
Yo whoever left a thong on the dining room table, first of all get help second of all please remove it now
NOT PREGNANT according to the two dollar tree pregnancy tests I took in the tacobell bathroom. Come meet me at tacobell for celebratory soft tacos.
Randomize
