I sold my books for weed money!
Finals don't start for a week...
Highlight of the day: realizing the man in the car next to mine was getting road head... at 2:45pm... nicely done sir, nicely done.
Also, I just saw a woman change into her stripper outfit in the bathroom at Target.
Bob the builder, bob the uilder bob the builder bbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbjbbbbbiotch!pp!!!!
Have to get circumcised. Doctor goes, "On the bright side, you can tell people your dick is too wide."
Things i learned at work today: do not put mayonaise on a tattoo, it will get infected.
I went to the obgyn with chipped nail polish.. Somewhere Beyonce was looking down, shaking her head, whispering "Not fierce."
Ah that wonderful moment when you realise the bookmark you were using in a book you lent your mum is actually a receipt from a strip club
His constant posting of "inspirational" Taylor Swift quotes over the past 3 days has me a little worried. It's like, holy shit dude, you're almost 30.
Gays age differently than straights. 29 is like 45 in gay years. Next year I'll be in adult diapers and applying for medicaid.
I just got a lap dance from a kid in the coconut bra... So not drunk enough for this.
I sense lesbianism
That's a weird power
now acid just makes me think of crab ragoon
I tired using vodka to remove my makeup
I don't know what it is about this quarantine, but I have never written this much smutty fanfic in my life and I am loving it!
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