it was worse than that time i tried giving evan head 4 days post nose job.
Being pregnant is so damn inconvenient for my sex life.
i just got offered coke by a strung out pilot. my night just got a lot more interesting.
Totally just projectile vomited while ridind a bicycle.
I'm a gay man planning my brothers bachelor party, and he choose someone else to be his best man. I hope they like appltinis and gay clubs. Bastard.
It was relaxing until your penis crawled in my ear.
The ideal thing to do next party is to tape my boobs down so they don't knock over the pong cups while playing defense. They came back to hurt us this time
I guess? According to Jeff his mom is wondering when the grand babies will arrive. So I don't think they like ME so much as my supposed functioning uterus
Dude you of all people would miss her giving him a handjob in front of the whole party
Just saw some dude tumble down the stairs of the bar while leaving...fist pump...and then sprint down the road
We had sex twice and at Wendy's how dare you diminish that.
I didn't know. I guess I really haven't had that much time for drinking lately. I mean, outside drinking at home/work.
I walked a mile in this weather wearing nothing but a toga. Zero fucks. Your move Mother Nature.
Can I borrow your google glasses to make a sex tape?
The cop took you back from the hospital and the lady at the front desk said "how are you doing cal?" You said "how do you know my name?" she responded "you're the only person i've ever seen that can throw up in your back pocket." Skills dude.
Randomize
